#he also makes Me suffer the most. i hate him heart emoji

[funkbun]

if i start thinking about Hector too hard they start beating me over the head with every weapon on earth ever

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for 🦄 behind the cut; obligatory sugar baby Kon.

Good. Let me send you the address, Tim says, and does. Might as well take care of that now, he figures. Kon sends him back a bunch of candy and heart emojis. Tim suffers for a moment and tries to figure out if he can emotionally handle sending any back. 

He tries a lollipop, immediately regrets it and replaces it with a wrapped candy, then regrets that too and tries the neutrality of a normal heart, but that doesn't seem like he's trying hard enough, and he deletes that too and then stares blankly at his empty text box with no idea what to put in it. 

u really liked the glitter? Kon asks, which nearly puts Tim back on the floor to crawl under his bed and hide from his own phone. like its not 2 much?

Not even slightly, Tim says. It looks good on you. 

so like u'd like it if i did it again sometime? Kon asks after a noticeable pause. 

Never mind. Tim does in fact need to crawl in under his bed. 

He'll text back after he gets re-settled, he promises himself, then shoves aside his remaining dirty laundry, slides in sideways, and suffers into his carpet. 

Yes, he texts back blind, hoping autocorrect will save him from any particularly fucked-up typos. 

Kon's text alert sounds after another noticeable pause. Tim steels himself, then peeks at the screen. 

k, it says, and nothing else. Tim wonders . . . it wasn't necessarily flirty, the way Kon asked that. So does that mean . . . 

It really does look good on you, he tries very, very cautiously, hoping he's not, like–making it weird. But Kon showed up in eyeliner and nail polish for their first “official” date and just showed him a new eyeliner he specifically asked someone he knew for help with, and he seemed to like the crop top and the short-shorts, so . . . like, does that mean he's interested in dressing a bit less, well . . . like how Tim would've expected him to want to dress, let's say?

He's really never seen him in civvies before this, so . . . who knows, really? 

all of it? Kon asks after yet another noticeable pause. Tim buries his face in the carpet so he can process the reminder of the lip gloss's existence. Jesus. 

Definitely all of it, he agrees. 

Kon doesn't text back right away. Tim considers following up, and also considers just signing over his entire trust fund to him no strings attached and wandering off to become a hermit so he can, like, survive this experience. 

It probably wouldn't work. He'd end up spending all his time worrying about Kon ending up staying in a lab and thinking it's fine to be there instead of, like . . . meditating, or whatever it is hermits actually do. 

It really does seem like Kon just–doesn't think it matters if he's in a lab, and Tim can't tell if that's because he actually doesn't care, or if it's because he thinks no one else cares. Superman clearly doesn't. Cadmus definitely doesn't. 

And he'd told Robin about it like he hadn't expected him to care either. 

That's really a thought Tim would've preferred to have occur to him while he wasn't actively talking to Kon, though at least they're not face-to-face right now. It's a little easier to not have to worry about his expression while having that sour lemon of a realization. 

Considering Kon's best endorsement of working for Cadmus when he'd been trying to sell it to him had been “could be worse”, though . . . 

Tim actually hates everything in the world, yeah. Aside from a few obvious exceptions of people who he has to either convince to turn supervillain with him or emotionally sidekick-support until such a time as he can turn supervillain, obviously. Just all of it. Whole world. The world just sucks. 

Well, there's a reason he's got supervillain plans, and that reason is definitely not that society is fine and good and morally okay as it is. 

The most moral thing to do in a situation like this is become a supervillain, as far as Tim's concerned.

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (140-141)

A lot of ass. A lot of ass.

If you want to follow along, the series page is here.

140. Covering Asses

They don’t sleep together on the road. That rule’s ironclad.

Says the a man who has nursed multiple shower sex injuries.

Naps count. Naps involve sleep. Naps together are not allowed, no matter how much Bryce flashes him his big sad eyes. Besides, they’ll just get distracted, and zero napping will get done, and where will they be? Not game ready. Game readiness is very important.

Jared’s pretending he doesn’t see the eye roll from Bryce as Jared escorts him out of his room so they can take their separate naps.

Intellectually Bryce would agree with this. But most of the time instant gratification wins for him, and instant gratification says ‘why should I nap in a different bed from my husband when he is right here’.

The exciting novelty of Jared being there at naptime is a factor, but Bryce sleeps better with Jared beside him.

Bryce tells him to get some sleep, gives him a kiss goodnight, then goes back to his room without even being asked, which is good. That’s good.

Just like you told him.

“Want me to come back?” Bryce asks.

“No,” Jared says.

“Want me to trash Deere?” Bryce asks.

Jared shuts his eyes and makes himself comfortable, wakes up the next morning to rapping on the door, his phone dead and digging into his shoulder.

Bryce was so willing to break Jared’s rule if Jared wavered even a little, but he’ll offer a lullaby of ‘fuck that goalie, that would have been such a beauty’ if that’s what Jared needs from him.

Well, ideal right up until he gets woken up by loud douchebags giggling and shushing one another in the hall right around curfew.

Jared opens the door and glowers at his husband and his husband’s bad influence.

Bryce is perfectly capable of making those decisions himself, as you well know, Jared.

“Sorry J, did we wake you?” Bryce asks in this faux-whisper louder than his normal voice.

Jared rolls his eyes at him and goes back to bed.

sorry babe Bryce sends him with a bunch of apologetic little emojis.

Probably good it wasn’t ‘sorry babe did we wake you’ considering the situation. J is a slip in itself, actually — J and B don’t get used as nicknames in front of non-Gabe Canucks before Julius’ interview other than, well, right here.

Bryce is half-asleep over breakfast, and Jared feels zero sympathy. Absolutely none.

“Here,” Jared says, as they get on the bus to practice.

Bryce’s sleepy face becomes a confused face.

“I got it from the cafe next door,” Jared says. Bryce hates hotel coffee. So does Jared, but if they’re in a hotel without proper coffee, he drinks tea at breakfast. He’s recently learned Bryce just chugs water and silently suffers without his morning cup of coffee. It’s stupid. “Sickeningly sweet.”

So little sympathy you cut your breakfast short to get him a treat.

He decides ‘just like you’ is not a bros addition to that, even if it’s an objective fact their friends would testify to. The coffee, knowing how Bryce takes it, that could be bros. Jared got Julius coffee all the time, and vice versa, and Gabe grabs Jared coffee when they carpool. Bros can know their bro’s sickeningly sweet coffee order.

“Thanks, J,” Bryce says, face soft and open. He’s too obvious.

“Whatever,” Jared says.

Jared: brings Bryce a coffee, very nearly says ‘sickeningly sweet, just like you’

Bryce: says thank you.

Jared: how dare you expose us.

But also, okay, Bryce calls him J here as well, so maybe Jared has a point.

“I like him better than you,” Jared says.

Bryce, walking down the aisle, stops to beam at him. Too obvious.

And like, Jared wasn’t even saying much. Dmitry sucks.

“Move it along, Marcus,” Jared says.

Bryce salutes him with his coffee, still beaming.

Here Jared is using ANOTHER pet name in the form of Bryce’s last name AND bossing him around. And still he says Bryce is being too obvious. (To be fair, Bryce totally is. Heart eyes everywhere)

“But you’re not mad?” Bryce says.

“You like people,” Jared says. “Why am I going to be mad at you for liking people.”

“I like you the best though,” Bryce says very earnestly.

;-; I like YOU the best, Bryce.

The Canucks, as Jared feared, want to do a bromance video.

It’s Dmitry mercilessly chirping a comically offended Bryce.

Jared doesn’t read the reactions, but the fans apparently love it.

Who amongst us doesn’t appreciate a good bromance video?

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you jealous of your linemate?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Your married linemate?” she asks. “With children?”

“He’s manipulated Bryce into babysitting for him,” Jared says. “It’s unethical. Stop laughing at me.”

Never.

“They weren’t even funny chirps,” Jared says. “Haha, Bryce, look at your nice hair, it’s so nice, that’s so funny. Everyone point and laugh at Bryce’s nice hair.”

“He called me a Ken doll,” Bryce says, right back to comically offended. It isn’t even an insult. Ha ha, look at you, so conventionally attractive. Burn.

Bryce’s hair is very nice and he gets very offended if you say that for some reason, which makes it fun to compliment him. Ken doll from Dmitry, Disney Prince hair from Stephen. All very upsetting to Bryce, which mystifies Jared.

“Ha ha, isn’t it funny that we call you Bullet but you’re a softie,” Jared says.

“I’m not a softie,” Bryce mutters.

“You’re objectively a softie,” Jared says. “Come on.”

He’s a Squishmallow.

Okay, I just looked up whether there was a Bryce Squishmallow, since there are like, 1000 of them so I had a chance, and look at this guy. A rainbow dog covered with hearts. It's him.

“So tough that you’re sulking over being called a softie,” Jared says.

Bryce’s sulk intensifies. It’s incredible he can multi-task driving and pouting.

“Attention on the road, tough guy,” Jared says.

“I’m not talking to you,” Bryce mutters.

You two deserve each other. I say this with great affection. And also mockery.

“Good morning handsome friends!” Dmitry says as he walks in. He’s four minutes late, but Coach doesn’t even bat an eye.

Possibly because he’s only four minutes late, you ridiculous boy who just checked his phone to time Dmitry’s entrance.

“Fun fact,” Bugsy says on Jared’s other side. “You can’t actually kill someone with your eyes.”

“Wanna bet,” Jared says, looking over at him.

“You know what,” Bugsy says, hands up. “You do you, man.”

Jared’s death glare quota has gone up significantly since Bryce joined the team. It’s…unsettling.

“Blinded by your pasty ass,” Bugsy says. “Where did you spend your summer, Nunavut?”

“Some of us know what sunscreen is, Bugger,” Jared says. “And Nunavut has sun twenty-four hours a day in summer, so hard fail on that one.”

“Only Northern Nunavut,” Gabe says, lacing his skates up. “Which is almost entirely unpopulated.”

“Why are you undermining me,” Jared hisses.

“I don’t think clarifying a misconception is undermining you,” Gabe says mildly.

Gabe usually would keep the correction in his head (this is a key difference between not only Jared and Gabe, but Stephen and Gabe), but sometimes he decides Jared deserves it. This is one of those times.

“Full-on Canadian Heritage minutes over here,” Scotsman says, clapping a hand around their shoulders, then, “Put some fucking pants on, geometry nerds.”

“Do we tell him—“ Jared says as Scotsman saunters away.

“No,” Gabe says firmly.

Don’t correct the goalie.

“Your ass isn’t pasty,” Bryce blurts the second they get in the car.

This has been killing him inside.

“How long were you holding that in,” Jared says.

“It’s a great ass,” Bryce says. “His ass is pasty.”

Absolutely fucking killing him, how dare someone insult Jared’s terrific ass in Bryce’s presence.

Jared pats his thigh. “Do you know what pasty means,” he double-checks. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he found out Bugsy used like, spray tan or something. Though he probably just wanders around naked in the wilderness all summer, getting bitten by his insectoid namesakes.

No tanlines on Bugsy. Clothing optional at Bugsy’s cottage.

“Thank you for defending my ass’s honour,” Jared says. “And thank you way more for not saying any of that in front of our teammates.”

“They can see your ass too,” Bryce says. “It’s not pasty.”

“They’re probably a little less eager to defend my ass,” Jared says.

“Great ass,” Bryce says firmly.

He has been SEETHING.

“It’s really sad that you’re not even doing this to like, get laid,” Jared says. Not that Bryce needs to do more than say, like ‘hey J, wanna fuck?’ to get laid, but still.

“Doing what?” Bryce asks, looking confused. Just defending the honour of Jared’s ass because he feels like, morally obligated.

Jared says this like he wouldn’t be so fucking mad if someone insulted Bryce’s ass. (Livid! Have you seen it!)

Bryce frowns at him.

“What,” Jared says.

“You’re mean to Dima,” Bryce says, still frowny, then starts rooting through the belts. Only Bryce would be careful to make sure his belt’s coordinated before he goes to babysit small children.

You’re right and you should say it, Bryce. Even if Dmitry thinks it’s hilarious.

The babysitting is a red herring -- Bryce Marcus would not leave the house at all without coordinating his belt.

Trade Kurmazovs with me., Jared texts Raf.

Absolutely not., Raf texts back immediately.

Raf has been fed information about Dmitry from a) Jared and b) Oleg. It has not been a flattering profile. Also that’s Raf’s hockey grandpa.

“Really?” Bryce says, popping his head back in the room. He’s beaming. Jared hates how effective Bryce’s beam is.

“We’re telling him I lost a bet or something,” Jared says. He doesn’t want Dmitry to think he does this willingly. He doesn’t.

I mean. You just offered. Which sounds kind of willing to me.

“Stop smiling at me like that,” Jared says. It’s too powerful. He thought it would get less powerful with time, or that he’d be more inured to it, or something. Instead it just keeps getting stronger. Or Jared gets weaker to it. Whichever.

You’re both fucking softies.

141. Antagonism

“Would you rather — ”

Another day, another round of ‘would you rather’ in the Canucks’ locker room. Jared is so ready for whenever they get sick of the game, or run out of questions. Unfortunately, neither day has arrived, and Jared is now very well versed on his teammates’ preferences and the way they’d act in ridiculous hypothetical situations, whether he likes it or not. And he does not.

The fact that Jared visibly seethes every time someone asks the question only makes his teammates more inclined to play the game.

“Super strength,” Dmitry pipes up.

“Kurmanator,” Stevie says. “Come on, man.”

The only IJ appearance of Dmitry’s retro nickname of Kurmanator. That was more popular in the aughts.

“Super strength,” Dmitry says firmly, just like he always does, no matter the question. Jared’s not sure if it’s just him being annoying to be annoying, or if it’s his equivalent of Jared looking blankly at whoever is asking the question until they go bother someone else.

Both. With the addition of Dmitry finding it funny, and also: who wouldn’t want super strength?

Either way, him and Dmitry don’t get asked anymore. Gabe does, but he tends to answer so thoughtfully, over-analysing the question and explaining the reasoning behind his answer, that it drives them all nuts, and he’s not getting asked much either now.

Gabe will also debate how realistic the possibility was, and that is not fun in a game based on ridiculous scenarios. He is not doing it to fuck with them, unlike Dmitry. Entirely in earnest.

“Would you rather have no kids, or a dozen of them?”

“Dozen,” Bryce says with absolutely zero hesitation as he tightens his skate laces.

No. That is not the correct answer. The correct answer is ‘if Jared and I were to have children one day, which we have not decided yet, it would be a reasonable amount, like one or two, and not enough to ice an entire fucking scrimmage’.

That is not the question he was asked, Jared. He was asked none or dozen. And he says dozen.

Gabe kicks Jared’s skate, which is probably a silent ‘your face is doing something it should not be doing in front of everyone’. That or ‘haha, sucks to be you’. Jared gives the kick the benefit of the doubt, and focuses his attention on his own laces.

It’s mostly the second one, honestly.

“This conversation is not happening in my car,” Gabe says. “Have it after I drop you off. It’s bad enough dealing with you bullying Bryce into taking the back seat every time.”

“Obviously not a dozen,” Bryce says, twisting around in the front seat to give Jared an earnest look. Jared generously allowed Bryce to have shotgun this time, maybe because Gabe called him out over always taking the front seat. Which is not bullying. He does not bully his husband. He states his personal preference and Bryce is typically happy to oblige.

This is literally the first time Bryce has had the front seat in Gabe’s car. And it’s only because Gabe called Jared a bully.

“Oh no,” Jared says. “No. Absolutely not. Tops is not five. We are not having five kids.”

“Just ignore the driver to have a private conversation in front of him,” Gabe mutters. “That’s fine.”

Poor Gabe.

“Every time we’re back at home it’s ‘when are you getting married’,” Gabe mutters, presumably to himself, though he’s loud enough that Jared can hear him. “‘when are you two having kids’, ‘Gabriel, stop giving me that face, it’s a perfectly reasonable question, you two aren’t getting any younger and I’d like an answer before I get old and die’, can we just not—”

Gabe has some baggage vis a vis the kids question, obviously.

“I am not saying that,” Gabe says. “I am emphatically not saying that. Why are you like this.”

“Hereditary,” Jared says.

Hobgoblin gene.

“We can’t have one,” Bryce says. “That’s like — we can’t do that to them. We can’t just have one.”

“Oh good, and now we’re insulting only children,” Gabe says. “I’m glad this car ride is going so well. It’s so nice to have you both. What a pleasant trip this is.”

Gabe is an only child, obviously. Also his voice is getting higher and cheerfuller with every word. Anyone with any self-preservation skills would find this ominous.

“Are you channelling your mom right now?” Jared asks curiously. The over the top cheeriness Gabe’s complaining with is fascinating.

“…Yes,” Gabe says. “Also fuck you.”

Jared does not have these self-preservation skills, at least when it comes to Gabe.

“It’s cool,” Gabe says on the drive into practice. Jared’s a little surprised he was actually there to pick them up this morning.

Nobody deserves Gabe. Especially Jared.

‘Would you rather’ mercifully peters out just in time for Bryce to fuck up his shoulder again. Not too bad, he claims, but considering the head athletic therapist told him to take a mandatory practice off, Jared suspects he’s underplaying the severity, or, at the very least, that if it’s not too bad now, it will be if he doesn’t rest it.

Another straw on the precarious haystack that is Bryce’s shoulder. (Yes I am mixing my metaphors, no I will not use them properly)

“No way you’re wearing cashmere and hand-tailored pants to sit around and watch TV,” Jared says.

Bryce smiles proudly at him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m learning my fabrics,” Jared says. It’d be harder not to at this point. And Bryce can’t get pants to fit him like that without getting them altered.

Cashmere’s the one that makes Jared want to rub his face on Bryce’s chest like a cat, obviously he recognises it sooner rather than later. And the hand-tailored pants are all ‘dat ass’ pants. It’s also most of Bryce’s pants. For reasons. Ass reasons.

“Meeting Dima for brunch before practice,” Bryce says. “I’d have invited you, but.”

But you’d make a face like the exact face you’re making right now.

He wonders what Bryce is doing right now. Icing his shoulder, Jared hopes.

The continued naivete of Jared Matheson.

There are four reasons to miss mandatory practice: you’re injured, you’re sick, you’re dealing with personal issues, or you’re dead. And those personal issues better be a full on emergency.

Also BABY!! but I feel like that falls under personal issues. The issues don’t have to be BAD issues. Perhaps 'personal matters' would be better phrasing.

The last thing Bryce needs is a reputation of someone who skips out on stuff. That reputation lingered on the Flames long after it stopped being accurate, and Jared will squash the smallest sprout of it here, even if him knowing is like, friendlier than they should be.

Jared there is literally an article about how you’re best friends.

Jared gets poked in the arm, looks up with a scowl. At Dmitry, because of course it’s Dmitry. Everyone else knows better.

“Don’t poke me,” Jared says.

Dmitry pokes him again, which Jared really should have expected.

There are two people who should know better in this equation.

“That,” Dmitry says, pointing at his left hand.

“Yes?” Jared says. “I’m married? You know that?”

“Yes,” Dmitry says.

“Uh,” Jared says. “Is that all or—”

“To Bullet, right?” Dmitry asks in an undertone.

“Um,” Jared says.

“Okay,” Dmitry says, then pats him on the shoulder and walks over to his stall.

Dmitry has confirmed he is not being fucked with AND has fucked with Jared, so he may now carry on with his day.

“But you told him about us?” Jared says. “Like. On purpose?”

“Yeah,” Bryce says. “Gabe said Dima was like, the first person to find out him and Stephen were together and he was super supportive from the get-go, so I figured he’d be like, cool.”

Considering Bryce and Jared will be out to the entire team VERY shortly, it’s significant that Bryce actually came out on his own terms to a teammate first. Also that there was zero Jared involvement in this — every other time Bryce has come out (barring to Elaine) it’s at Jared’s urging (Chaz) or directly as a result of his relationship with Jared (Dave, teams, even his grandparents), so the fact that Jared didn’t even know it was happening — Bryce was taking a big step.

Jared does not know how he feels about Bryce and Gabe having heartfelt conversations about their sexuality without him present. Warm? But also not. He doesn’t know.

Jealousy warring with relief that Bryce has support and someone to talk to.

“How’s your shoulder actually?” Jared asks.

Bryce sighs dramatically.

Jared waits.

“Fine,” Bryce says.

Jared waits some more.

“Like, kind of being a bitch,” Bryce says. “But it’s fine.”

“Ice or heat?” Jared asks.

“Come on, you’re at least supposed to say something like ‘you’d know’,” Bryce says as Jared rolls off him and goes to the kitchen.

Like Jared would ever set himself up like that.

Bryce snorts. “Honestly you’re not far off,” he says. “Dima kept asking when him and Oksana were going to finally meet my wife. He was all like, hurt.”

And by hurt Bryce is probably referring to that over the top pouty thing Dmitry does, pretending someone’s hurt his feelings then laughing it off if they start to apologise.

He was legitimately a little hurt, considering they’re bros and Bryce got squirrelly every time his spouse was mentioned.

“So I told him he actually already knew my husband, and he was really good about it,” Bryce says. “Said we’re welcome to come by any time. And not just like, for babysitting.”

“How generous of him,” Jared says.

“Right?” Bryce asks, either not registering the sarcasm or cheerfully ignoring it. Probably the latter. Bryce is extremely fluent in sarcasm by this point. Though it always seems to go over his head when it’s Stephen being sarcastic, so maybe he’s just fluent in Jared.

Tremendous fluency in Jared, working familiarity with Matheson, but sarcasm outside these parameters can still trip him up, especially from Julius and Stephen.

“No,” Bryce says. “But they’re adorable, J, those little guys are just— the cutest, you know? And like, they’re so smart and they’ve got their own personalities and—”

Bryce isn’t allowed to babysit anymore.

It’s so cute that you think you can stop him.

“You,” Jared says.

“Good morning Mathematics,” Dmitry says, then, “Did you just kick me?”

“Yes,” Jared says. “I did.”

Dmitry looks down at his shin, then up at Jared. “Was it supposed to hurt?” he asks.

“Yes,” Jared says.

“Oh,” Dmitry says, then ruffles Jared’s hair.

I love that Dmitry’s immaturity gives Jared the excuse to embrace all the immaturity in his own heart. And there is far more than he’d like to admit.

“You’re my nemesis,” Jared says.

“Aww,” Dmitry says.

“It — it means adversary!” Jared says. “Antagonist! Enemy!”

“Aww,” Dmitry says, then reaches out, presumably to ruffle Jared’s hair again, like Jared’s a little boy who’s so smart and has such a personality and —

Dmitry is so touched Jared has declared him his nemesis.

“Okay,” Dmitry says, with this little coo to it like he’s trying to calm a skittish horse or talk one of his sons out of a tantrum. Possibly one in which they hit him with their tiny little fists and kick him with their tiny little feet, and it doesn’t hurt at all. Jared is appalled with himself and his puny fists and his nemesis having.

“Are you talking to me like a toddler right now,” Jared says.

“Yes,” Dmitry says.

“That’s fair,” Jared admits, and then retreats to his stall to seethe some more.

Nobody can say Jared is not aware of his faults. Eventually.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No…don’t mention meet cute Karasu….not in the presence of an Otoya fic….gotta stay in the Otoya headspace for hollyhock….

FR it’s almost kinda nice how since it’s not in your face if you aren’t feeling particularly angsty he can kinda just be a silly guy LOL

Oh yeah the malicious sliding double press…yikes…also when Kuon tackles Nagi?? If he’s taking down a 6’3 giant imagine like a 5’3 girl like that’s just getting sudden deathed

LMAOOO I love the use of that emoji it’s so funny to me the shaking head one, but fr the Itoshis can’t have it all!! Another Karasu request on top of all the ones I already knew of oh em gee Karasu nation rise up….take it easy though LOL!!! Can’t rush greatness but also burnout is the worst too so I hope you’re having fun writing everything too hehe

That’s honestly a big brain move…gotta leave some space in between reading to allow myself to forget some details so I can kinda be surprised when I watch LMAO

BRO THE CHIGIRI LEG MENTIONS SHSH every time they bring it up im like…haha…hahahahaha…whyarewebringingupthepast….heshealedright??? Erm yeah I feel like it’d be a huge waste of his development if he didn’t at LEAST make it to the World Cup so praying the authors don’t pull an Akutami Gege!!!!

LMAOOO in character it is….yeah I wonder if maybe it’s because of the way his hair is styled that the pairing of the two makes him look extra scruffy….not sure but yeah not my favorite

No definitely…fs present in every fandom I’ve definitely seen a bunch in JJK too (sometimes with Yuta which leaves me so confused) but um!! To each their own I guess. Lol.

BRUH RIN AND NANASE HAS ME CRYING “you are my property now” WHAT???

You could never make me hate kurona omg FR his character profile shdgshs the braid bread (?? I think) and his fav animal being a shark is so cute he’s really just chilling, not a single mean bone in his body!! The way he cheered up Reo was ADORABLE im so glad they included that additional time in the movie shdgshs especially since we won’t really be seeing him in S2 besides maybe some background shots…I really wanna see more scenes of them off field too!! Kinda like the manga additional time with Team Kindness LOL show me some real friends please…..

OOOOOO gonna go hunt for them those look good…

Wait also LIGHT NOVEL?? Waiting to get my hands on the full thing but from what I’ve seen floating around DHDGSHSH BAROUUUUUU omg it’s basically exactly what we discussed before LMAO

-Karasu anon

AHHHH it’s def a slow burn with otoya so especially at first it’s going to be tough but i think it will be worth it…it’s hard work making eita “red flag” otoya into a tragic love interest but i think i may pull it off yet 😏

TRULY he is so versatile like you can explore his complexities and whatnot or you can just be like. fluffy squishy cutie boy. and both work honestly!! i will always be a nagi lover at heart fr

literally omg or can you imagine playing in the u20 match and getting absolutely slammed by oliver AKDFJHSDF pls…the reality of being a female in bllk may not be the most glamorous (but at least you’re surrounded by hot guys??? although like half of them are lowkey weird asf so it’s not really that much of a bonus)

THE SHAKING HEAD AND NODDING EMOJIS CRACK ME UP EVERYTIME they’re so unserious 😭 especially w that fuckass little smile they have SKDLJFLS and yes i agree the itoshi bros should suffer too sometimes!! lmao i’ve written for both of them once and like they honestly are fun to write but smth about how popular they are makes me not want to write for them even more!! and YESSS karasu nation is pulling up fr HAHA i think he is slowly but surely becoming this blog’s brand but ykw i’m okay with that!! and yes i have been enjoying writing hehe especially for karasu bro…he’s so perfect i love him 🥹 (as you know vv well HAHA)

yeah like i lowkey could not tell you most of what happens during the third selection and sometimes i want to go back and reread because there’s so many good karasu and otoya panels in it (that’s like the arc where they’re most prominent after all) but then i stop myself because i want to be delighted by watching it animated!! i do think that if nothing else it’ll be super hype to see a lot of the goals that happen in third selection/u20 arc so i’m doing my best to hold out for now…we’ll see if i can last until october though

my guess is that he’s going to have some “going out in a blaze of glory” type of moment where he says something that mirrors his awakening where he says that he doesn’t care if he never runs again and puts everything into that one game, which allows him to score a goal for bllk that wins them a crucial game but also puts him out of commission possibly forever. depressing af but i do agree that he’s probably not going to go out for a while just because he’s one of the main characters and seems to be one of the author’s favs

his hair is like super thick idk?? i do think it adds smth to the stubble that overall is an interesting picture…honestly the panels of him younger where he doesn’t have the facial hair are soo handsome though like give me five seconds and i can fix him fr (not his womanizing though just the mustache LMAOAO)

it’s the most random characters!! i’ve seen it for nagi too kind of?? like that man canonically has 0 friends 0 bitches 0 parents that care about him…he is NOT going to be flirty or good at intimacy!! otoya aiku yukimiya and reo are right there too like all of them are stated to be popular w girls and half of them are also fboys…but oh well whatever makes people happy!! i shan’t yuck anyone’s yum (though i will most likely stay away for the most part)

dude rin was so foul for that too LMAOAO??? like why did he feel the need to say that…“you are my property now” rin you are a 16 year old boy. that is also a 16 year old boy. HELP?? he’s so lucky karasu and shidou weren’t on the field when he whipped that one out i knowww they would’ve bullied him so bad (lowkey karasu and shidou both give such older brother vibes but in exact opposite ways SDJKFNS)

KURONA IS SO SWEET!! and he just has no beef no problems kind to everyone truly an ideal man. he was so sweet cheering up reo too i hope we see more of them (iirc they were standing kinda together in the s2 trailer?? so maybe that means we’ll get scenes of them!!). i also feel like the additional times are going to be funny and will hopefully show more of them just being silly…manifesting a karasu and otoya additional time that’s just them being menaces 🤞🏻 i feel like additional time is one thing that the anime def got right they’re always so funny to watch and really show the dynamics between characters that you might not consider otherwise yk

they are really good HAHAH i hope you like them if you try them!!

WE READ BAROU TO FILTH FR!! like the ln basically confirmed everything we’ve been saying which is so validating like omg maybe we do understand these characters on a deeper and cooler and more intellectual level than everyone else 🙄🤩 LMAOA the illustration of him helping his sisters is so cute too the way he’s so pressed but still being so sweet…plus the tank top and hair down combo is LETHAL!! i can’t wait to read them properly hehehe i love barou sm he’s surprisingly underrated considering how much screen time he got in season 1

[missroserose]

Fic Writer Question Meme!

Thanks for the tag, @venhedish—I love stuff like this! I'd apologize in advance for how long this is likely to be, but I suspect we share that tendency, haha.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20 total. I've been publishing there since late 2018, so about three years now. That sounds right for me—I'm way too perfectionist to ever be prolific.

What's your total AO3 word count?

125,744! Apparently it takes me three years to write a novel's worth of words I feel are worth publishing...which also sounds right.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three, primarily: The Lost Boys, Stranger Things, and Supernatural. Mostly Stranger Things, since I was pretty enmeshed in the Harringrove community for about a year and a half, though these days I'm hanging out more with the SPN crowd. We'll see if that translates to more fics.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.) Sunflower (524) 2.) Quickly, look away (506) 3.) We'll Become Who We Meant To Be (383) 4.) Too Young To Fall In Love (333) 5.) When the Waters Start to Cross (283)

First, what's not surprising: all are Stranger Things/Harringrove works. I'm a little surprised to see that "Sunflower" had edged out "Quickly" as my most-kudosed story, for years it was the other way around—but maybe that's actually not that surprising—part of the reason I haven't been as active in the fandom is that I really love the darker and more complex renditions of Billy Hargrove's character (a la "Quickly") and since S3 aired it seems like the fashion has moved more towards more lighthearted fluff (a la "Sunflower"). Still, both are pretty undemanding smut, so it makes sense that they're on top; similarly, I'm not surprised to see "Too Young To Fall In Love" in the top five either.

I am a little surprised that "We'll Become Who We Meant To Be" is #3—it's honestly close to genfic, there's only the tiniest moment of hinted-at attraction in there. I'm not mad about it, I honestly feel like it's one of my better efforts; on the other hand, "Wake Me Up" was in a similar vein and it's close to the bottom. I guess there's just no telling what's going to catch on...in fairness, a 25K outsider POV novella is a much bigger ask than a 3K short story.

Honestly, I'm probably most surprised at "When the Waters Start to Cross" cracking the top five—it's a 52K+ WIP and a profoundly complex atmospheric existential horror/romance, which is, like, five strikes against it. I'm not mad about it, though—I love that fic, even if it is a huge time and energy suck, and it definitely contains some of my best writing.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I genuinely appreciate people taking the time to leave feedback (even if it's just a string of emoji!). And every once in a while I'll get really thoughtful or incisive comments that spark whole conversations—that's one of the best reasons to write fic!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm...to be honest, nothing immediately comes to mind; I love angst but tend to want it to serve a purpose, i.e. it gets a character closer to who they want to be. So most of my endings are at least hopeful. *checks list* It looks like probably my angstiest ending is also my first fic posted, "Blue Masquerade". Poor Michael.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I don't currently write crossovers; I wouldn't rule it out, but frankly I haven't come across an idea that appeals to me. Waaaaaay back in the mists of time I had a Daria/Harry Potter crossover that I was actually pretty proud of, but I got about as far as getting them to Hogwarts and then kinda ran out of ideas, so I never posted it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can think of? I'm not big-time enough to get hate, haha. Worst I ever got was some rando asking for top or bottom tags, which I just ignored, and one person on "We'll Become" who was like "I don't like this pairing but you did a good job", which kinda had me like ??? thanks, I guess? I did get one comment on "Quickly, look away" from someone who felt like it was in a different headspace from the fic I wrote it as a sequel to, but that didn't strike me as hate, it's a perfectly fair observation.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So first off, yes, and second...I recently came across this great Garth Greenwell quote that really gets at what I'm trying to do when I write smut:

In America in 2019 we are inundated with images of bodies to an absolutely unprecedented degree—images of eroticized bodies, images of sexual bodies; the Internet makes all our fantasies visible, and it trains us in new fantasies. And yet it also seems to me that our culture suffers from a dearth of representations of embodiedness, by which I mean of bodies imbued with consciousness. I’m not at all antiporn, but sometimes pornography (maybe especially Internet pornography, with its arms race of extremity) seems to want to evacuate bodies of personhood, to present them as objects. I think literature is the best technology we have for representing consciousness, and so I think there’s a kind of intervention that literature can perform in representing sex explicitly: it can reclaim the sexual body as a site of consciousness.

"Embodied porn" is probably the best description I can come up with—I love writing sex precisely because it's such a charged form of communication (Greenwell's words again), because there are things a character can do and say in that context that they never would normally. Like, sex acts are great and all, but what really does it for me is what's going on in their head, what's the history that brought the character to this point, how're they handling the inherent vulnerability and intimacy of this incredibly risky but potentially rewarding moment. Kink (whether through roleplaying, props, costumes, or whatever) is really just another way of adding to that personal meaning, since without the characters' reactions any trappings are meaningless.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I'd love to work with a translator someday (whether with fic or another context)—I'm fascinated by the inherent puzzles in translating between languages, especially with informal speech and its many idioms and cultural references.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet! I'd be open to the idea, but it definitely has to be with the right person...

What's your all time favorite ship?

Isn't that basically like asking a mom to choose her favorite kid? Seriously, I like different things about all of them...which one's getting the most attention depends entirely on mood and headspace and other effectively random variables.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don't have any I've given up on entirely, yet. Even Waters, as beastly complicated as it is, I've been ruminating on and adding to and arranging in my head lately...

What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere, character, dialogue. I've said it before, I'm a capital-R Romantic at heart: I love writing settings that reflect and reinforce a character's headspace—while also implying what said character might be missing in their viewpoint.

Something I've noticed—my husband worked for years as a penetration tester, which meant he would regularly have to talk his way past people on a moment's notice. So, unsurprisingly, we both notice people, but he tends to observe their presentation (clothing, accessories, especially ones that're markers of social class and group belonging that allow him to tailor his approach), whereas I notice what they say and how they say it—and, often, what they don't say.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I suddenly feel like I'm in a job interview, haha. Perfectionism is a big one—I have a tendency to feel hopeless and quit if something's taking too long, rather than persisting until I get it sorted, even though some of my best work is stuff where I persisted. Also, I'm big on emotional intensity—which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but I sometimes read back over my stuff and I'm like "geez, Ambrosia, ease up a bit"...I could definitely use some comic relief in my writing sometimes, but I think I'm often too insecure to try it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't have any in particular—I rarely do it myself, because I don't trust myself to do it properly. (Perfectionism again!)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Daria, way back in the day. My work is still up on FF.net...sometimes I wonder if anyone's ever going to dig it up and confront me with it, haha. (I doubt anyone will ever care that much...I guess I'm more just curious if my style from twenty years ago is recognizably me.)

What's your favorite fic you've written?

If we're talking about finished fics, probably either "Wake Me Up" or "Young At Heart"—they're both pretty oddball, but both required a fuckton of work and both came out pretty close to what I wanted. But "Waters" is my biggest baby...maybe I'll open up Act III to work on today...

Thanks again for the tag, Ven! I'm going to tag @ihni, @redmyeyes, @twobrokenwyngs, @skybound2, @sambrosia, @shewritesdirty, @introvertia, @coffeeandchemicals, and @anarchist-billy—if you're up for some rumination, I'd love to hear your thoughts on your writing!

[anonymousbaev]

hi!! so if ur still taking requests can i get rfa and v and saeran with a chubby mc who like doesn’t rly think of herself as sexy and like,,,shies away from intimate things?

RFA with a chubby Mc

Hello hello! Thank you for the request, enjoy!  (*^^*)♡   *Slight NSFW*

    ☆ Yoosung ☆

He thought it was him, he thought he was doing something wrong.

Whenever he occasionally got intimate with you, you would always gently back up with a rejecting head shake.

He respects you so he immediately gets off of you and gives you space before apologizing 10,000 times.

You felt so guilty seeing him feel so bad, you didn’t want to make him feel that way...

But you also didn’t have the courage to tell him what was really bothering you.

You always told him the problem wasn’t him, and that it’s you, but never gone into further details leaving the poor boy so confused.

One day however the little boy got so concerned for you, thinking you might have got abused in the past or something and had to get the truth out of you.

“No Yoosung it’s not anything like that...” 

After much explanation of your insecurities and low confidence on your weight Yoosung reassures you that none of that matters and that it should not matter.

He tells you he loves you no matter what and you look perfect to him in every aspect.

   ☕️ Jaehee ☕️ 

You and Jaehee have been dating for months now and she started to wonder why you never tried more intimate things with her other than kissing.

She wasn’t so bold herself in making first moves in the subject of intimate.

So when she sucked in all her courage and asked you about it, much to her dismay you told her you would rather not.

Of course Jaehee understood and respected your decisions like the good girlfriend she is but she just had to know why.

She was worried if it was because of her.

When you shared your thoughts on how you didn’t like your body she was in a lost of words.

WHY?

She just couldn’t understand because she thought you looked absolutely stunning.

“Mc that’s not true at all. I love you and everything about you. Including your body. You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

      ♬ Zen ♬  

 Zen thought you were the most beautiful human ever, even more than he was.

So it would’ve never crossed his mind that you would think so insecurely about your body.

That was until one day when you accidently unleashed the beast.

“Get ready to take responsibility, princess.” Zen pushed you onto the bed  and reached under your sweater. 

That was until tears swarmed your eyes and you had to say no more because he immediately got off of you in an instant with a concerned look as he caged that beast back up.

“Mc I’m so sorry, please don’t cry. That was wrong of me, I’m so sorry. Oh god, how can I make it up to you?” He gently wiped away your tears, slightly afraid in doing so worried that he would scare you.

“Sorry Zen...” You were so upset, and now you felt so bad because you made him feel like a hypocrite. 

You had to tell him.

When you explained about your insecurities of doing intimate things with him because of your body, he was absolutely enraged.

“WHO MADE YOU THINK THAT WAY???” You had to calm him down and told him nobody made you feel this way and told him it was an internal conflict between you and yourself.

And now he was really upset. 

From that day, he told you how those were unneeded thoughts and reminded you how beautiful you were and told you how much he loved you. 

When you were confident in your skin and ready to get intimate with him you spent an extremely hot and sleepless night with him~

    ♛ Jumin ♛ 

Jumin believed it’d be best to share the first night between the two of you after getting married, so you didn’t have to tell him about your insecurities of doing intimate things with you.

That was not until the wedding date was soon and you both had started planning for it and you were picking out your dress on a category book.

Everything revealed so much skin, so what would people think if you walked down the aisle in one of these dresses in this body?

You were so stressed, “Jumin I think I’d rather wear something more plain... something that would match me better...”

He was so confused, “What do you mean, my love? All of these dresses would match you just fine.”

You got riled up and began to tear up, “No they won’t! Not on my body, they only look stunning on thinner woman...”

He let go of your shoulder and pulled you in for a kiss, “Is that what you think, my love? Because that’s not true, none of that matters I know you will look even more stunning than the women on these magazines, you’re absolutely gorgeous and I love you so much. None of that matters.”

His words make your heart flutter and slowly he helps you gain confidence.

You end up choosing an elegant and glittery wedding dress. 

You leave everyone in awe as you look like an absolute goddess when you walk down the aisle with your dad to Jumin.

     ��� Saeyoung 👓 

You and Saeyoung were both laughing in bed as you watched memes on your phone when suddenly the vibe turned into a hot and steamy moment.

Saeyoung leaned into you as he pressed his lips against yours. You backed up soon completely laying down on the bed with him on top of you.

That was until you pushed him off of you in a hurry and sat up at the edge of the bed as Saeyoung sat against the bedpost. 

He felt so bad and you felt so ashamed. It was overall really awkward as you both suffered in silence.

“Sorry Mc... good night- I just uh remembered I had some unfinished work.” Saeyoung was walking out the door when you stopped him and made him sit back down on the bed.

You explained how you felt insecure in doing intimate things with him because of your body, worried about what he would think and he was heartbroken.

“Are you kidding Mc? You’re absolutely gorgeous. It doesn’t matter what size you are. Why do you think I wouldn’t love your body, I love everything about you.”

     🌚 Saeran 🌚 

You and Saeran were cuddling on the couch with some ice cream while binging on some shows on Netflix. Wanna Netflix and chill?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

When a sexy scene came up you nervously looked around the dimmed room with a flustered face.

That was when Saeran noticed as he grinned and pushed you down onto the comfy cushions.

Your breathing hitched as he began to slide his hand up your thighs.

That was when you pushed him off and sat up flustered as you quickly apologized and left the room into the bedroom.

Saeran immediately went after you and found you curled up on your shared bed.

“Mc what’s wrong?”

When you explained you felt insecure about your body, he was mad.

“You’re an idiot, don’t assume stuff and misunderstand things on your own!” He yelled at you but when he saw your upset face he felt bad.

“You’re gorgeous, everything about you. Including your body. I love you just the way you are, remember that...”

    ♧ Jihyun ♧ 

He could take the hint you weren’t happy with something about yourself when you would always decline his offer to take your pictures.

Jihyun was really mad at himself, he really wanted to help you but he didn’t know how because he didn’t know what was upsetting you.

He wished you would tell him what, but you always brushed him off and he didn’t want to force you to talk about it.

One day things got heated in the bedroom and Jihyun slowly approached you.

But eventually things got overwhelming at one point as evil voices in your head kept yelling at you of how Jihyun would hate your body just the way you hated yours.

“Jihyun... wait, I’m sorry I don’t think I’m ready.” He nodded as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Do you, perhaps want to talk about it angel?” He expected you to brush it off again but instead you decided to tell him this time.

When he heard everything his heart dropped, a lump in his throat and his eyes looked so sad.

“You’re beautiful, no matter what size you are. No matter what you look like. I love you so much, dear. Thank you for telling me, I’ll help you get over those voices in your head.”

I’m so sorry this took me so long requester. By the way a friendly anony taught me how to use bullets! Now I can go over my writing in google translate yes I do that I know it’s weird haha without it going like “New moon face Saeran kissed your cheeks. New moon face you blushed with a tingling feeling etc. etc. They always read the emoji’s out loud they were slowly killing me.

                                              ٩(๑･ิᴗ･ิ)۶٩(･ิᴗ･ิ๑)۶

[loser-writings]

Ok I have a kinda angsty HC about omega hawks heat. Either he can’t/won’t take suppressants or the during the few heats that happen despite taking them his agency/the commission kinda hire anon alphas that specialise in helping omegas physical/sexual need during heats w/o making any kinda emotional attachment, no scenting, no cuddles, nothing. So the 1st time hawks goes through heat w someone who actually loves him is like ! Eye contact? Kisses? Stay & cuddle after?? He’s crying & so am I -🦇

Oh my god Bat Anon I love this so much. So I just went off to my friend today about hawks (Its such a love/hate with a huge love lean) and this FITS SO WELL with my headcanons about him. SO if you excuse me! Ima just play off of this with a few of my own as well. 

Also if you use an emoji for your anon, there will be a special tag made for you. Just wanted to point that out.

Omega! Hawks with his heat [Headcanons]

Warning: Mention of depression, N/sfw, Omegaverse, Heats

(Not my GIf btw)

Hawks really has no idea how to show emotion, and when HIS emotions show, its’s very overwhelming for him. The Government spent so long teaching him that his opinions don’t matter and feelings don’t matter, so he is just sort of numb to everything. When he feels his raw emotion breakthrough, you better expect to see a very lost and confused Hawks.

He can’t take suppressants at all. He tried taking multiple different types, but he’s allergic to the majority with the exception of one brand. That one brand made him extremely depressed, unmotivated, and sick though. So HPCS just decides “Fuck it, Just keep him off of it. We may lose him for a week every 3 months, but it’s only a week.”

I think that HPCS would hire Betas to take care of Keigo when he hits his heat. Since Betas don’t go into a rut whenever an Omega goes into a heat, they are there just to make sure that Keigo doesn’t get hurt. Past every wave of his heat, they will check on him and help him recover a bit.

They can’t scent anything since their scents would be so weak, so there goes scenting items to help him, but they do have sort of an artificial alpha pheromone. (Think of This post as what they use) Downside to THAT is that he has a sensitive nose and stomach when his heat hits. Certain smells will trigger him to get sick and those nasty fake alpha scents will have him throwing up.

Because of the lack of emotion put into his care, he suffers from some of the WORST sub drop. Like yeah the unnamed Betas may feed him when he doesn’t want to eat, they force him to stay hydrated, and make him baths fairly often, but the emotional aspect of heats are extremely draining. He is getting nothing that he needs despite being around people so he just gets really sad and depressed. It’s one of the few moments where he really gets in his own head and questions everything.

Once he hits 18, they really stop having the Betas take care of him due to him getting fairly aggressive about it? Like yeah, sure, they keep him fed and hydrated but they also make him so severely touch starved and lonely. HPCS now just lets Keigo take care of his heats himself at his house.

Him getting an Alpha is a huge deal for him since he has so much baggage, so the idea of spending a heat with them?? He is dying at the thought. Sure, he may keep his cocky facade up and tease to try to keep the Alpha flustered, but he is so scared of having an alpha present for his heat. Especially since he knows how needy and depressed he can be. 

Yet when his heat hits, he quickly shoots a text from his personal phone (He has one the HPCS doesn’t know about) to let you know what’s going on. Luckily you show up right after one of the waves had passed, so he just quickly pulls you into the house before rushing back to his nest. 

He becomes so quickly overwhelmed by how different his Alpha is compared to how the Betas were. You came with a bag of things he might need, and he is honestly so shocked he tears up then and there. You pull out an old thin shirt that had been modified for his wings and some thinner boxers made specifically for heats; He is instantly crawling into them because they are so heavily scented and it makes his omega purr. You have so much water, and you politely ask him to drink and lay back against the huge make shift chair that was in the corner of his nest. After that, you carefully wrap ice packs around the back of his neck, his wrists, and his chest. He is shocked by how his body seemed to cool and how he could think clearly.

He doesn’t have a heat wave for almost an hour, and in that time you managed to prepare multiple other things on standby before pulling him into your arms, scenting him as well as you could. Maybe it was the heat or overwhelming amounts of love he felt, but he stared crying right there. He didn’t mean to, and he was so thankful you didn’t press him for why he was crying, but it was just so nice to be cared for this way.

Also this man is the SOFTEST during his heat. He will babble, cry, cling to you, scratch your back, bite, beg, and he will tell you that he loves you over and over again. Unlike his old heats where he suffered, he is in complete bliss.

He completely gets off to seeing your eyes scanning his body hungrily. Feeling your hands running across his skin as you compliment him over and over. (Body worship and praise him please. He may act confident but this man will cry and feel so validated) He absolutely loves kissing too. He isn’t the best at it and it can be a bit sloppy, but he really does put it all in it since he is so caught up in the moment. Also PLEASE leave hickeys all over this man. He will ask that they be in places he can hide, but seriously. When he wakes up next to you in between waves, he will admire the red and purple marks going down his chest and covering his inner thighs. Also if you are a little bit goofy, leave shapes on him. He will laugh so hard seeing a Smiling face on his hip or trace the heart shaped hickeys on his chest for hours. 

Aftercare with him during his heat is actually fairly simple. Praise him a LOT. He will get insecure and sad, so run your fingers through his hair and wings. Let your fingers dance over his chest as you reassure him that he is safe with you. He will tear up again and laugh, trying to cover up how much your words mean to him since he is so used to feeling like shit after a wave.

When he is knotted, he will cling to you and mumble under his breath. You can catch bits and pieces. “I’m so happy,” “Not a fuckup,” “Deserves love,” and more similar little realizations he has that yeah, he may have baggage but he also deserves this. He deserves to be happy and feel loved. He will fall asleep with the happiest and most genuine smile on his face in your arms.

Once his heat has ended, he has 2 days to recover since he used to pull feathers out due to stress and to get him things. With you there, he spends it eating, cuddling you, and binge watching shitty TV. Newest season of Rupauls drag race? Oh he is so in it. He also will have some deeper conversations at night, confessing some of the things he did and even discussing plans for the future.

He admits that one day he hopes that crime dies down because he wants this. He wants to come home every day to you and maybe even some kids in the future. He might mumble that last part, but he does confess that he wants at least one kid in the future. When you asked the most kids he would want, you were surprised when he said 5. “I would love to have a big family, but if you only want one kid, then that’s fine with me too.”

He originally hated his heat cycles, but now he loves them so much because he has an excuse to be pampered, spend time with you, and dream of the future. He doesn’t have to be “Winged Hero; Hawks” but instead he gets to be Keigo Takami, someone who still has lots to figure out, but is so thankful to have someone to help him along the way,

[kurt-nightcrawler]

Eye love you

Warren Worthington III x Reader

A/N: this isn’t what I wrote cause I was not feeling great yesterday, this is older. I hope you enjoy it anyway! :)

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.2k

 “I went to the eye doctor today,” You said into the phone. 

“Oh yeah! How’d it go?” Warren asked from the other line. 

You flopped onto your bed. “I’m getting new glasses…”

“Ooo… What do they look like?— Bobby! Get out of my room! I’m on the phone!” You rolled your eyes. “Sorry,” Warren apologized. 

“It’s fine.” You assured him. “They’re brown.” 

“That’s different, your old ones were black.” 

You shifted to lay on your side, “I don’t really like them… Like, I like them, but not that much. They were the best option I had though…” 

“That’s okay. You wear contacts most of the time anyway.”

“Yeah, but when I don’t…”

Warren frowned. He hated seeing or hearing, you upset. “You’re gonna look amazing. You always look good, no matter what… and besides, nothing can be worse than the glasses you had in fourth grade— they were blue and had flowers and were crooked—“

“Hey!” Warren laughed on the other line. “I should have never shown you my elementary school pictures!” 

“But you were so cute as a kid,” He pouted. You scoffed.

“You’re gonna look like… like…”

“You can’t think of any female celebrities with glasses. Can you?” 

Warren could feel your disappointment through the phone. It made him sad. 

“I didn’t fall in love with you cause you had 20/20 vision. Glasses or no glasses, you’re still gonna be you...” 

You didn’t respond. 

“Do they bring out your eyes at least?” He asked with a slight coquettish tone. 

“They bring out the brown in them…” Your eyes were hazel, but the favored heavily on the green side. 

Warren sighed, “Your eyes are so pretty.” 

“Yours are prettier.” His were green as well, but instead of having brown like yours, there was blue. 

“Not true.” 

“Yeah, it is.”

“Hmm… I don’t think so.” 

You rolled your eyes, smiling for the first time during the call, “I have to go. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

-

Two weeks went by and your glasses finally came in. As time passed since you picked them out, you grew on the idea of them, but you weren’t in love. 

However, Warren was right, you weren’t going to be wearing them that much. 

A few days had passed since you got your new glasses. You hadn’t left your home all day. You stayed in your pajamas and got caught up on some housework. 

You took a break, checking your phone out of boredom when you got a text. 

 Warren 

hey baby

Warren

can I come over? I’m bored and the guys are busy :(

(Y/N) 

so I’m a second option, huh? *side-eyes emoji* 

Warren

no!! never!! I miss you anyways

(Y/N) 

it’s been two days… we went to the zoo Tuesday 

Warren

a whole 48 hours apart from you? ew *barfing emoji*

(Y/N)

you should just move in then

Warren

you should move in with me. no one pays rent in the mansion

(Y/N)

I’m not a mutant *clown emoji*

Warren

we can figure that out… 

Warren

anyway... 

Warren

I can bring madagascar 1 & 2 and chipotle

(Y/N)

ugh classics *moaning face emoji*

(Y/N)

can you get me a vanilla coke zero? *two pouting bug-eye emojis*

Warren

of course *red heart emoji* 

Warren

I’ll be over in an hour or so

(Y/N)

okay :)

-

Warren had a key to your place, so he let himself in. 

“Hey babe, I’m here! I also got the third movie from Kurt, and I think the penguins’ spin-off show is on Netflix.” 

You had set up the coffee table so you could eat on the couch without making too much of a mess. 

“Oh my god, it smells so good…” You subtly licked your lips. 

“Hello?... No hug for the delivery man?” Warren joked. 

“Big bird brain, come here.” You kissed his cheek and wrapped your arms around his torso. He set his belongings on the ground so he could reciprocate the hug. 

You picked the bag of food and movies up. Warren gasped a little. 

“What? What’s wrong?” You looked at him, extremely worried. 

“Your glasses! You didn’t tell me they came in.”

“Oh, uh… I just kind of forgot about it…” 

Warren kicked his shoes off and made his way over to the couch with you. “I wish you sent me a selfie. They look great!” 

You deflected the compliment. 

“You look like a sexy librarian—“ You gave Warren a sour look. “Okay, no—“

“I look like a girl who’s been in her pajamas all day and brushed her teeth at 2 pm today.” You said as you put the first movie in. 

Warren shrugged while he dug into his bowl, “Hey, I’ve done worse.” 

You chuckled, joining him on the couch. “of course you have. You’re a dude.”

“Hey!” 

“They hated Jesus cause he told the truth.” You stated, nonchalantly as you started eating. 

“Babe.”

You looked over at Warren, sipping on your soda, “Hmm?” 

“They look really nice. You look great.”

“Thanks…”

“How do you like them?” 

“Better than I did two weeks ago…” You sheepishly admitted. 

“That’s a huge improvement!” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“Hey— I’m gonna prove to you, that you look good in your new glasses. Even if it takes years.”

“Ren, stop it. I was being silly, they’re fine, honestly—“

“No. It upset you. I don’t want you to be insecure about something you can’t control. Something that you need. Babe, you had a panic attack the first time you tried putting in contacts.”

You frowned and stabbed your salad with your fork to try and distract yourself. “I was twelve.” 

“Yeah, but when you told me and just how you didn’t want to be seen as some silly little nerd girl, it made me so sad.”

“I got bullied as a kid. And it wasn’t even the glasses really, I just wanted to fit in and I thought no glasses would help. I didn’t get contacts until high school…” 

“I know… and that’s not fair, you know, trying to hide to fit in with people that really won’t matter in your future…”

You knew he wasn’t just talking about your glasses anymore. He was referencing the scars on his back. The ones he caused as a child, cutting his wings off almost six times a week until his parents caught him and told him to stop. 

“I don’t want you to suffer. That’s all. You’re one of the best people in the world, and I hate seeing you upset.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry…” 

“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to apologize.”

“Sorry—“

Warren kissed your cheek. “It’s okay… Ope.” 

“What?”

He rubbed his finger on your face, “I got some avocado on your cheek. Sorry.” 

“You’re good.” 

Warren smiled. “I love you.” 

He was very casual with it, but somehow managed to never lose any meaning every time he said ‘I love you.’

“I love you too.” 

“Cna I try on your glasses later?”

“No way! You might break them with your big head, plus they’ll make your vision worse over time.” 

“I! I have a big head so I can think about you more!”

You laughed, “War, that didn’t even make any sense…”

“It… wasn’t… supposed too…”

“Mmhmm, alright baby. I’m gonna tell Kurt and Scott you said that next time I see them.”

“Fine, but I have something they don’t.” 

You blinked. “Scott’s dating Jean, and Kurt goes on tinder dates like twice a week…”

“You’re better than Jean.”

“Better not let Jean hear you say that,” You joked. 

“She already knows.” 

“That so?”

“Yep.” 

“Well…” You kissed his cheek, catching him off guard, causing him to blush and get flustered. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah… Of course.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.” 

[demonboysandlotsoftoys]

Can I request some HCs of the bros + Diavolo with an MC who is a meme loving chaos entity? 🖤🖤🖤 so excited to hear from you!

Hello yes, I am also a meme loving chaos entity, thank you for this--

Lucifer: No. No, why? Why him? Isn’t it enough he has 6 younger, more meme centric brothers? Hasn’t he suffered enough? He lets out a long, suffering sigh when you meme something particularly ridiculous--But once, you turn your head just in time to see him hiding a snicker behind his hand at a doge meme. The grin you give him almost makes him send you a doge meme himself, later.

Mammon: Listen, this man regularly spams the “Is this a pigeon?” meme and you can’t tell me otherwise. Once, when he’d sent it to your chat 17 times in one day, you made a badly photoshopped meme of him in that pose, holding a smaller version of the meme. He was laughing so hard he cried.

Levi: Meme. King. MEME. KING. You two sometimes go literal DAYS without using actual words to communicate. Just memes and references. Everyone else in the house hates it--except Mammon. Who makes a “Is this a (meme)?” joke about you two at least once a day.

Satan: Help this poor man. He doesn’t know how to keep up with you, even though he tries. Satan is the type to send you a meme from three years ago that you’ve seen a million times; But you know he’s thinking of you, so you still send him a bunch of hearts and laughing emojis back anyway.

Asmo: Is the subject of almost all of Levi’s memes, and absolutely loves it. He loves the attention, and how they always blow up online. Sometimes he’ll just pose in meme form so Levi can take a picture, for more content. Sometimes, you can catch him laughing quietly to himself, scrolling through the ones his fans have sent him.

Beel: Help this one too, please. He doesn’t understand why nearly everything you text him is a meme. Most always he doesn’t even get the meme! Oh, but then you introduce him to the drake and josh meme, and he’s sending you a funny one every day. Maybe he doesn’t get the usual ones, but he still smiles and pretends he does to hear you talk about them.

Belphie: This man is a secret meme lord and no one can tell me otherwise. He has an entire forum where he makes memes of his brothers. No one can ever know--But he does laugh at every single meme reference you make, and plugs one in when you least expect it, usually resulting in you doubling over with laughter.

Diavolo: “What is a ‘meme’?” Oh holy hells, you’ve made a monster. You thought he texted like a Dad before?? It’s sooo much worse now, and all of the memes he finds are somehow, some way, in low quality. He reads them out loud, too. It’s enough to make you cry. Will ABSOLUTELY yeet things across the room when prompted, much to Barbatos’s dismay.

[ubemango]

commission 4: slow burn/best friends/college au w/  jin

(+or: we’re best friends and you’re literally So Great and i suck at knowing what i want but anyway i’m starting to think i like you ??????? au)

note 1: For my very very sweet and understanding friend @yeuj​ who helped me out when I needed it most .... I hope you enjoy 🥺🥺💕!!!!!! And thank you to Micah + Clove for helping me with my questions—thank you for your thoughtfulness, insight, and love!!!!! 🌷🌷🌷

note 2: I tried to make ramen-making as unboring as possible but it really is just....water and spice. If you’re confused about eating ramen at convenience stores please search that up on Youtube, I’ve exhausted my link resource skills (except for when I want you to listen to songs.) Also, the songs I mention are titanic/the end by cehryl and Subside by Eloise. I actually listened to Sweet Night on repeat while writing this so if u wanna listen to that... ;_;

note 3: everything about this story is in medias res. I realized I had no proper beginning or conclusion and I didn’t wanna change the flow of the story by concretely adding one or the other... so if the story feels incomplete/fragmented then please understand that this was a conscious and intentional decision done on my part :,) It’s slow burn!!!! I Love you ha ha!!

(i)

The library is open twenty four hours. The convenience store in the student centre is not.

“Please use your car,” you assert.

Seokjin huffs. “Then pay for my gas.”

It’s an empty threat. He’s got no business driving hard bargains when he has capital in the form of a rich CEO dad. He ignores your glaring, calmly closing his laptop, shoving it into his bag. Closing up shop after a derivative crisis you’d called him up for because he lives on campus, plus he never sleeps early. You appreciate that he gives into you so easily.

“Fine.”

So you go, searching for a convenience store that has those instant noodles you suddenly came up with a craving for this late at night. Seokjin’s used to it by now. You get things done when you want to, even if it means making a home of the pillowy chairs in the library you’d claimed for studying purposes.

The mathematical theory of chaos. You don’t want to think about it, and you click your seatbelt with a yell, throw your bag in the backseat with as much strength your anger allows for. “I hate school!”

“Please don’t scream in the car.”

“I hate it!”

Seokjin slots the key in. “Can you look up where the convenience store is?”

He tosses you his phone to unlock. You jab at the screen with more grumbling and colourful cursing, pulling up whatever Google Maps says is the nearest store open.

“Plug in the AUX cord,” Seokjin urges next. He merges into traffic, which is really only one car and the late night bus. A quiet night for your suffering.

“Can I play my—“

“Nope.” You sneer. Tapping open his playlists, you pass under orange lamp post after orange lamp post and scroll in silence before Seokjin groans. “I made a new playlist, pick that one.”

“What’s it called?”

You can see that he’s stiffened up. You don’t comment. “The one with the three heart emojis.”

Simple enough. You don’t care to sift through the songs, and the first one plays with one more indulgent tap of the screen.

Why don’t you tell her? I think you should. You know how you’re feeling, you can’t fight the truth…

Google interrupts the soft voice with the indication of the next right. Seokjin eases on the gas pedal. You watch him nod his head to the softness of the stereo. “I can’t pay for your gas.”

“I know you can’t.”

“I can pay for your ramen,” you suggest. Seokjin makes a quiet noise, like he’s amused by your generosity, or maybe he just thinks you’re dumb. You think it’s the latter.

“I don’t want you to pay for my ramen.”

“Then what do you want?”

The lamp post light striking Seokjin’s face gives way to the harsh red of the stoplight. In the stillness, he sends you a hard look. It makes you feel weirdly vulnerable, like he’s stripped you bare.

To make things worse, Seokjin says:

“Nothing you don’t want to give me.”

He doesn’t heed your confusion because he presses on the gas, looks straight ahead. You do too, and you try not to contemplate the cool brevity of his attention you suddenly want back. You push your uncertainty aside.

(He has a handsome face, you think.)

Seokjin interrupts, “So why’d you wait till now to study?”

“You know me.” Procrastination. The complete and utter mistake of underestimating the allotted time needed to get a successful grasp of concepts for your midterm. In not so convoluted terms, this class sucks ass.

“Yeah but that was—a lot of notes.”

It was. You probably pushed five weeks of material in the span of three hours. You can feel the very tips of your nervous system frying up as you pass through gas station-lit intersections. But there’s a real answer to his question, and you have the intense need to curl in on yourself in this leather seat.

“Well I would have started yesterday, but I was busy,” you counter.

“With what?”

“So you know Hyukjae from Psych?”

Seokjin pauses to listen to Google’s instructions, and immediately makes a left onto another main intersection. “Sure.”

“We went out yesterday,” you admit.

He hums a tight sound, tapping on the wheel. “Hm. How’d it go?”

It wasn’t bad. You shared butter tarts and laughed at his anecdotes and Hyukjae-from-Psych paid for your Uber home. He gave you a very weak hug before you slipped into the car. It was in that seat you’d decided you wouldn’t be sending him an I had fun! text that night.

“It was okay. Like, nice to me and stuff. But nothing…”

“…Worth revisiting.”

“Sure,” you mimic, and you wonder why he’s right.

“The guy’s okay,” he says. Almost like it’s with relief. “It’s—not to sound rude, but. Uh. I think it’s, uh—good. That you weren’t… interested.”

You think he’s gripping the steering wheel a little too tight. “Why?”

“Can’t trust guys with bad handshakes.” Seokjin chances a glance at you, and laughs at the confused scrunch of your eyebrows. “I met him during that networking conference in third year. Limp-wristed me. Like a chump.”

“Ew.” You can’t say he’s wrong. That hug Hyukjae gave you really was weak. The dude has noodles for arms. “But yeah, I guess you’re right. Wasn’t really my type.”

“Hm,” is all Seokjin comes up with. You watch him pass right through the turn Google tells him to take. “Oh shit. Sorry. I’m just. Thinking. About… limp… men.”

You snort. “What?”

“Like a man. A limp man. Hyukjae. Not me,” he clarifies fast—proudly— “just. Anyway! Back to you saying what your type was.”

“I wasn’t,” you accuse.

“Yeah well now I’m asking because I don’t wanna think about limp men. Your type, please.”

He sounds weirdly inquisitive. Demanding, almost. You chalk it up to the near-delirium of being awake past 1AM.

“I—don’t know,” you start. Somehow you feel like you’re messing something up. “He was kind, I like… kind. And soft. Sweet. You know Kim Taehyung? From Neuro? Like, almost big shoulders but not really. I like big shoulders. Yeah. Guys like Kim Taehyung-ish.”

Seokjin just hums again. There’s another song playing, and you don’t know how many you’ve rotated through in this playlist. You didn’t think it’d take this long to get to the store.

Google says it’s just two minutes away now. Seokjin says, “Cool,” and then sings along to the stereo.

You got me losing sleep over you… I usually sit still but now I can’t help but move… When I see you, I don’t know what to do…

(ii)

“Spicy or not spicy?”

“Whatever keeps my stomach lining intact,” Seokjin says.

You don’t say anything more and grab two of whatever ramen packaging isn’t scarily red. The convenience store is void of any customers, and the cashier rings you up with a very sour face for interrupting the show he’s got playing on his phone. His face shrivels up even more because all you can pay with is coins. Seokjin laughs behind you when you apologize for clattering the dimes too harshly on the counter.

“Enjoy,” the cashier announces, and he doesn’t mean it one bit.

The hot water machine at the back is a very intimidating thing next to the tiny display of cookies.  Too many buttons and knobs you don’t understand, so Seokjin takes on the chivalric role and prepares everything for you. He rips the plastic open with gentle hands. Dumps the powder with too much conviction.

You both watch the water stream hot into the noodles. “Do you like macadamia nuts in your cookies?”

“I guess,” you say.

“Wanna split a cookie?” He hands you chopsticks to stir the ramen with, gestures at the cookie display with a jut of his chin.

“Are you paying?”

“Can you imagine if I made you pay after I asked to split,” Seokjin spits at you. “Yes I’m paying.”

“Then I want chocolate chip.”

He freezes, then jabs smartly at his noodles for a tense ten seconds.

“You make me mad,” he finally answers. “Should we eat in the car?”

“The bowl is too hot to hold.”

The counter at the window it is. You’re sad that you didn’t buy pickled radish, but your coin purse has weeped all its coinage out. Seokjin leaves you as Noodle Guard, going off to pay for that bonus cookie with a crumpled five. In the next second you contemplate the evaporation of ramen soup, the cookie is duly dumped right next to you, and Seokjin takes a huge bite of what still appears to be extremely hot noodles.

He promptly chokes, and makes sputtering noises.

“Holy shit,” Seokjin cries.

You take a much, much slower bite. “You’ll be fine.”

“I thought I could be cool for you,” he cries some more.

“You don’t need to be cool for me. Who eats ramen in a cool way?”

Seokjin nods his approval, that tear of theatrics sliding down his cheekbone. He eats carefully. A noisy car roils on outside, and passes quickly outside your periphery.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you remember to say.

“I love standing at counters and eating things hot,” Seokjin retorts. He dodges the fist you aim at his abdomen with swift ease. “It’s no problem.”

“I—“ You don’t really know why but you need to talk. “You know—you’re really, um, kind.”

Foolery. Absolute foolery that sentence was, and the cashier probably heard that foolery, and Seokjin definitely heard that absolute foolery, and he’s laughing. Like really laughing, caught with the noodles dangling from in-between his teeth. That’s all you had to say? The guy drove you out to get cup noodles out of his own volition. That’s kindness maxed out, and he deserves better than you fumbling between your teeth. Your nerves have fried up so bad, you guess.

Seokjin’s giggles dwindle down. “Thanks,” he says, smiling small.

You blame the heat of your cheeks from the heat of your soup.

Neither of you are desperate to get to that last quarter of noodles to broth ratio. The knots of your shoulders loosen with the sound of your slurping combined, and silently you are reminded of Seokjin’s warmth, standing so close to you.

The easiest path to a nice ending involves a happy belly and Seokjin driving you home with nothing more than a goodbye and a thank-you as you slam the car door shut. This is not unknown to you, because you and Hyukjae-from-Psych took that easy path yesterday.

You just don’t do this often, contemplating all the routes of romance. When is it appropriate to laugh at a joke, to wipe your mouth on the napkin? To smile and peel at your heart and grant that person access to all your inner workings? You belatedly notice that Seokjin did not bring napkins.

(The moment in the car—nothing you don’t want to give me—you want to laugh at his jokes, and smile, peel and peel and peel at your heart, but slowly. Slowly, you put your chopsticks down.)

How funny it is to come to very sound conclusions within a split second, because all you know is that it feels good, being with him like this.

Seokjin, in your quiet realization, takes it upon himself to decide the cookie-eating rights.

“Want the first bite?” He asks, propping the chopsticks horizontally on his bowl.

You nod. Desperately you try not to look at him because you might make more realizations, and you don’t think you’re ready for any more unleashed and unknown emotions. “Please.”

He gives it to you. The right side decidedly has more chocolate chips, and  it’s a very nice explosion on your tongue. So nice you groan into it. “Oh that’s really good.”

He snatches the cookie away before you can take another bite. “I get bigger bites because I paid for it.”

“That—? Uh, that’s not how sharing works.”

“Yes it does,” Seokjin argues. But he just takes as normal a bite as ever. You can’t say you don’t focus on his mouth for too long, though—

—And you immediately seize up at the thought. Horrified, you shriek: “Actually just—have the rest of it!”

He looks alarmed. “O…kay?”

“You’ve got a nice mouth,” you blurt out next.

An absolutely awful feeling settles heavy in your stomach. Because almost immediately you realize that this is a kind and soft boy with nice anecdotes that have yet to be uncovered this night (he likes telling you stories) and he’s got wider shoulders than Kim Taehyung and you’re not sharing butter tarts but you’re sharing a cookie with him.

Another realization: does Seokjin have limp arms?

He puts the cookie down. (His arm looks very strong, doing that.) “I—thanks?”

“I think I’m losing my mind,” you note.

He watches you slump over the counter. Purposefully burying your face in your elbows to muffle your betraying mouth. “It’s late,” is all he says.

“Did that make you uncomfortable?”

“Not at all.” You don’t think you’re breathing. Your lungs have evaporated, like those steamy ramen noodles you just ate. Seokjin probably notices you’ve stopped moving, so he says, “Really.”

“Okay.”

“Did it—did it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not at all,” you say.

“Cool. Do you wanna go—“

You stand up straight, grab all your garbage before he finishes. You don’t look at him. “Yep, yep, please.”

(iii)

He puts the key in the ignition, and doesn’t budge.

“Somehow I feel like you wanna say something else,” Seokjin says.

You curl your hands into fists. “It’s late.”

“I’m aware.”

“I’m—I’m sorry.” You are acutely aware of how garbled you must sound. It’s starting to get on your nerves, how flimsy you’re being. “I’m not… thinking.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re being pretty articulate for someone with an empty brain.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Seokjin sighs.

The seat squeaks where you tense up. “I don’t want to think about your mouth.”

“Do you wanna know what I think?” You nod. Jesus. You’ll just let him do the talking from now on because your tongue can’t be trusted this early in delirium, late in the hour. “I—I…”

Seokjin struggles some more, then deflates. He starts laughing.

“I… don’t drive just anyone out to convenience stores at two in the morning for ramen. You have to know that.” He clears his throat. His eyes are shiny with the harsh glare of neon signs. “I guess I just—wanna know… what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking…” Your lips part. Searching for words feels like a physical thing—your stomach is swimming with what feels like a billion thoughts but nothing comes up for air. “I’m thinking I—don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Seokjin turns to look at you. “I won’t make fun,” he whispers.

“I think. I think, you look—um—really… Good. Um. R-Really… good, right now.”

“Thanks.” He looks up like he wants to say something but his eyes harden where he gazes, locking in on the dust motes of the windshield. Your lungs swell small in the quietude. “I think you really look good, too.”

If baser compliments already have you burning then you don’t know what you’d do if he tried anything more romantically complex. Some people are meant for loud love stories and grand gestures and you—all you can do is think too much and you want to say more but Seokjin understands. He understands your silence, your ineptitude.

In a fit of controlled passion, you reach over the console, grasping at his knuckles till he flips his palm right into yours.

“Feels… ”

You wait for something to come to mind. A phrase, a proper thought to give utterance to, all the failures and successes of the night. Faithfully, nothing comes.

It just feels.

And Seokjin seems to agree. He holds tight between the grooves of your fingers.

“You’re very pretty and it hurts,” he says, and he doesn’t try to meet your gaze, and one feeling comes resolute: it feels right.

[stardecker]

Call me a clown, but I do think the good doctor writers are either up to something OR they will backpedal.

YES I know David Shore and Nick said hes dead.

But the whole situation was SO. FREAKING. WEIRD !! Something was definitely off about it all. No send off for Neil. No mourning. Nobody even cared, and hes a TOP SURGEON OF THEIR HOSPITAL! Morgan and Andrew's didnt even say goodbye to him? Shaun and Park dont even know hes "dead"... ?? Like Shaun had one of the most profound relationships with Neil, as he was the one whose mind was changed after being an ass in s1 towards him. I understand Shaun was busy, obviously, and there wasnt much time in an episode...but for real? That's what they are going with? And Glassman so casual with a shrug, basically telling him he was the best and goodbye.

Plus Claire and Lim? They cried but they weren't even that distraught. They both loved him and they just walk down the hall "We should grab a drink." Like WHAT? And the Melendaire build up...?? Literally 2 episodes it was a shocking cliffhanger when Claire said she loved him to her therapist. They have been building Melendaire a lot... why the fuck even bother building them for the past 5-6 episodes if you knew he was going to die? (Is the Answer to make claire suffer???)

Why even bother with her telling her therapist if she was going to say it to him anyway in 2 episodes on his death bed? Wouldnt that have shocked us more? A total whammy?

So I DO think they might have truly wanted to kill Neil, and if that's the case, the writers really fucked up. How did a young kid stranger get a more emotional and heart felt send off than Dr. MELENDEZ? We have seen some really fucking sad deaths on this show, usually patients. So why when a main character "dies" it uh, is all so rushed and forced and is so casual ??

But heres the thing, nobody pronounced him dead. There wasnt a sheet covering him. Claire was just looking on. I dont know if this is where bad writing comes in for a finality (aka why she hugged Lim and they were like LOL anyway let's go) , or if they PURPOSELY left this open ended to write him in?

Seriously these writers have done some pretty fucking crazy things in this show. But when Melendez is about to go septic they just shrug and are like sorry man.

I think they either have a twist coming in 4.01 or, if they are smart, they will back pedal.

Fans are not just mad. They're angry. Bevause of how POORLY it was done. And how stupid! And nothing made SENSE! In the words of Judge Judy, "If it doesnt make sense then it's not true."

If they do go back on their decision (or pull a twist), heres the thing:

* Neil will have an incredible storyline. He just told Lim he would spend forever with her if he could. He just told Claire he loved her.

* how does that affect Lim and Claire?

* claire and Melendez will need to deal with what they said when they thought he was a goner.

* I wont lie. Making us think hes a goner is really, um, CRUEL. But if they pull a twist in 4.01, you bet your ass I would rise from the fucking ashes and applaud them for bringing him back and making me suffer.

Nick hasnt really tweeted anything crazy or sappy about the show or his character — he definitely has liked and RTd some angry posts from fans, calling the writers dumbasses and how the creative decision was a terrible one. Also, even when we thought for sure Nick was dying, he poked fun and said "I'm not fucking leaving!!" And tweeted things like "You guys thought you could get rid of me that easily?" Also he responds with only emojis and is pretty tight lipped about the amazing things fans are saying to him.

Today he deleted some of the crueler stuff he RT from fans last night, specifically involving hateful language toward the writers.

He did RT this (ImageBelow)

I think David Shore did wanna kill him, but I think he underestimated the back lash here. Maybe they purposely left it a bit fuzzy juuuuuust in case.

Menendez's death ONLY drives claire & lim to the bar. David Shore calls that good writing?

I dont find it a coincidence that EVERYONE watching is quite literally stunned, upset, and severely confused. We all picked up on how weird and wrong things felt.

Even David Shore didnt reveal if theres a time jump in s4 or anything like that when asked. He said he already knew what he was doing with it.

Anyway, this was long. I may be a clown but with no funeral, no declaration of death, no white sheet, etc. That they purposely left this door open. The Good Doctor really wont recover from this, and if they think it's not a big deal they are severely mistaken. If they do keep him dead, and this was his end, then at least we knew for sure they fucked up their own incredibly popular show with a dedicated fanbase.

Writers dont owe fans a happy ending, ever. But they do owe them writing that is respectful toward characters, makes sense, and the act of not killing off fan favorites for shock value.

Bye!

[superthiccthighssavelives]

Untitled Sad 💧 Emoji Prompt

For @jolovesfandoms who requested a sad 💧 prompt ...

I’m sorry if the beginning drones on, I wanted to paint the right picture of fear, anxiety and nerves. Forgive my possible overexplanation before we get to the point of the damn prompt lol. 

Also, I listened to a lot of indie, acoustic, etheral music while writing this, you should probably bust out your sad playlist as you follow along. I’m overly critical of my writing, and yeah...I hope this is decent. Ok, onward!

 @alyss--in--wonderland @primaba11erina, @linseykalynn

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My hands were shaking, skin glistening with tiny beads of nervousness, my mouth dry. I kept trying to swallow, for relief, but my throat was a desert. I began to fidget, my fingers intertwining awkwardly, squeezing them together too hard, trying to force out some semblance of calm.

The view from the back seat of this slow moving car window was dizzying, my eyes couldn’t focus, things were blurred and making me feel uneasy. 

My breath was stuttered, nothing I repeated in my head was helping. “I’m OK.” “This is fine.” “Why are you so worried?” “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.” and endless other thoughts thrashing around in my brain. I’ve never been the kind that seeked attention, or even welcomed it. I’m definitely a more behind the scenes person. Maybe it was how I grew up, or maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe it was all the bad relationships I’ve suffered in the past. Maybe everything all at once. All I knew in this moment was that I was scared to death.

Taron and I had been dating about a year, recently becoming more serious. Tonight was the first time we’d be together in the public eye, some event. A pre-awards party banquet whatever type thing. I knew what it was, but my brain was failing me right now, only plotting made up scenarios and ridiculous possibilities of what could happen. 

I was trying not to let my insecurities get the better of me, but I was playing a losing game. I know how critical people can be, especially in “Hollywood.” 

“Hey, are you alright?” I felt his warm breath in my ear, leaning over, sounding concerned.

I forced a fake smile, and nodded. “Yeah, just excited.” I don’t know why I was lying, but I figured it was for the greater good. I didn’t want to ruin this night. He gave me a quick kiss on my temple and gave my knee a gentle squeeze, continuing on his conversation with his publicist. It seemed like years before we reached the auditorium. I wanted to get it over with, but yet, never reach the destination, my anxiety made me feel heavy and hot. I reached for a water with trembling hands, attempting to remove the cap. Anxiety is so overwhelming, besides the usual shaking and nausea, you get agitated easily, and right now I wanted to throw this bottle right out the window.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep, deep breath, again repeating the previous mantras over and over. Without missing a beat, Taron grabbed the bottle, opened it, and returned it back to me, all while keeping his conversation flowing in front of him. He knows me too well, and it’s almost impossible to hide anything from him. But, tonight, I was going to have to try harder. This is his night, I was going to play the part, I had to. It comes with the territory. 

The car came to a stop, while my heart sped up. “Ready?” His smile was easy, relaxed. He enveloped his hand in mine, leading me out into the humid night air. My dress was already tight, and now I felt like it was permanently glued to me. If my perspiration from earlier didn’t seal the deal, this suffocating atmosphere would. Damn, I didn’t even look in the mirror before I stepped out, a million more worries flashed in my head. “Is my mascara running?” “Is my lipstick crooked?” “Did my hair fall flat?” “Do I even have the body to wear this dress?” I wanted to turn right back around and get in that car and go back to my apartment. 

His hand rested on my lower back, guiding me toward the crowds of people, crews, and cameras. 

Cameras, another worry. Why did I think I could even do this?

We were stopped almost immediately by someone wanting a quick interview. I stepped as far aside as I could, trying to avoid any sort of acknowledgment. My eyes darted too fast, from one point to another, trying to focus on one thing, to breathe at an even pace, to not look like a crazy person standing there awkwardly. It felt like a never ending cycle as we glided down the pathway. The flashes were incessant, blinding at first then just annoying as it went on, especially the photographer calling out names to look their way. Jesus, I don’t know how anyone can stand being a celebrity. 

Taron grabbed me for a few, and I have never in my life been so graceless. My mouth was stuck, making crooked half smiles, looking at the wrong camera, posing in strange positions. His hand rubbed small circles on my back, trying to soothe me, I’m sure my nerves were just rolling off in tsunami sized waves.  He would lean over, kiss my cheek, or temple, and whisper that everything was ok, that it was almost over, and that I was doing so good. I know he was just trying to placate me, and I loved him for that, but nothing seemed to mellow me. 

After what seemed after hours, we got to our table, I felt a tiny bit of that jitter fall off me. We were sat with some other couples, directors, actors, no one I cared to recognize at the moment. I needed a drink, a real drink. Taron was such a conversationalist, getting along with everyone, being exactly who he was supposed to be. 

I felt so out of place, I didn’t belong here whatsoever. The more I thought about it, the more panic set in. Everyone could probably read it all over my face, I was so uncomfortable, I couldn’t speak (thankfully no one attempted to), and I couldn’t concentrate. 

Every so often, someone would come to our table, to shake his hand, congratulate him on something, etc etc. As much as I tried not to notice, a handful of them were very surreal, very beautiful women. My insecurity was screaming, I was frozen, watching, trying not to have some insane breakdown. It’s ruined so many things in the past, and I was desperate for that to never happen again. Maybe I should leave, so he can have a good night. My self control was for shit, and no matter how much I tell myself to stop, there’s something inside that takes over, and causes chaos. 

I stood up abruptly, without even thinking, wanting to just bolt. Taron’s eyes flew up, and then the rest of him, joining me. “Everything alright?” His eyes were worried, searching mine. I bit my lip, my eyes unable to meet his. He took both of my hands in his, whispering my name softly. “What’s wrong?” I felt like a brick wall was immediately put between us, I didn’t want to tell him the truth, and I didn’t want to cause a scene. 

“Sorry, too much caffeine earlier, where’s the restroom?” 

Again, I forced a false smile, a bit more convincingly than I had earlier. 

He still looked alarmed, he didn’t buy it, of course. 

My name rolled off his lips again, except it sounded more like a query. A knowing query, almost matter of factly, definitely skeptic. 

I hate this, I hate that he knows me almost better than I know myself. My face felt flushed, and tears were threatening my eyes. I had to remove myself from this area right now before ...all my damn fears turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

“Let’s go get some air alright?”

I agreed, letting him lead me to a side door. The air had cooled and I felt like I could breathe again. 

“Taron, I think I should go.”

His body turned towards me, his eyes widening.

“What, why? Babe, tell me what’s going on. Please?”

I ran my hands through my hair, and down my face, trying to rub out all my anxiety. “I don’t belong here, at all. I’m not like everyone else.”

“What...what are you on about?” His voice imploring, almost begging for me to reconsider. 

“It’s fine, I swear, you can stay, have a good time, please. I just...I can’t, I’m sorry.”

It was quiet for a moment, except the sounds drifting out from the venue.

I was letting him down, I knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. Why couldn’t I just be normal? My insecurities tear me apart, some days more than others, but today was an all time high. 

My stomach was in knots, scared of what he was going to say or do next. We stood side by side, our backs against a stone wall. 

His head turned, just looking at me, his eyes, his gorgeous eyes, searching for an answer. 

My head felt too heavy to hold up, I let it hang, peering at the ground below. 

My body was pressed into the wall further, as he came closer to me, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. His thumb swept away the tears that had escaped, he looked so worried, so sad. I didn’t want to make him feel like this, I was supposed to make him happy, I hated myself so much right now. His forehead rested against mine, eyes closed, a hand in my hair, breathing beautiful words so soft and warm against my lips, and assuring me that everything is perfect. 

His voice was low, quiet, almost pleading for me to return with him.

“I don't want to do this without you love, please, come back in, or we can leave, I don’t care, I just don’t want you to feel like this“

“You shouldn’t have to, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, god, I’m so ridiculous” More tears streamed down my face, most assuredly ruining my makeup. 

His lips reached mine, placing the tiniest, gentle, timid sticky kiss. His breath trailed over my mouth, his hand still caressing my hair, whispering how much he wanted me beside him, how he needed me. It spread a bubble of serenity over me, my hands gripping, grasping at his sides. Our lips met again, his intense, but composed passion pouring into me. It felt amazing, like being sprinkled with fairy dust from a magic wand. 

He looked at me once more, searching, silently requesting my answer. The rest of my tears dabbed away from his gentle fingertips. 

“Let’s go home, ok? Back to mine.”

I felt terrible, I didn’t want him to go. I could stay, a bit longer, I have to, for him. 

We moved back to the table, his hands never left me. They trailed my back, my thighs, he would squeeze my hand every so often, caress the back of my neck, sweep a piece of hair behind my ear, give me a gentle kiss on the cheek, and whisper how gorgeous I looked, and how happy he was that I was there.

I still felt off, but he tried his hardest to make it better. 

Music was playing in the background, I barely noticed, I was so in my head. 

He stood up, reaching for my hand, giving me the sweetest, most persuasive look. 

My eyebrows raised in surprise, my stomach felt like hundreds of bees were buzzing around, instead of nervous or impatient butterflies. I haven’t slow danced since high school.

“Please?”

An exasperated sigh sprang from me, trying not to set myself up for anything embarrassing. We moved slowly, swaying to whatever ethereal music was playing. My nerves were playing me again, so worried about someone judging me, or watching me. My head veered back, his finger under my chin, bringing me to face him. “Just look at me, ok?” He pulled me closer, feeling my body tremble. His hands secured themselves around my waist, gently rubbing circles on my lower back. 

I placed my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, letting it soothe me. I relaxed even farther, closing my eyes while he began to sing in my ear. His voice was so calming, tranquil, beautiful. He was so amazing, all that he has done for me, especially tonight. One of his hands ascended up, stroking my hair. I loved to listen to him sing, but the way his words flowed off his tongue, sent an arrow straight to my heart. He was sincere, whispering the lyrics but seemingly sounding more meaningful than they should have. I was so lucky, and I didn’t feel I deserved him right now. 

I pulled back, gazing at him, incredulously. I have never felt this way before, no one has ever gone to such great lengths to make me feel secure. I think this was the moment I fell in love with him, and vowed to do everything in my power to return that feeling. 

My lips found his, placing a feathery kiss against his warm lips. “Thank you.” 

He smiled, with such adoration I felt like I could melt. He returned back, humming a lullaby against my skin. I never wanted to be anywhere else but here right now. 

[pvins]

howdy, hello, i’m winter (he/him) and i’m from the est timezone and i’m like always asleep so don’t be shocked if i’m awake at not normal hours! you can message me for my discord or we can suffer through use tumblr’s messaging system!

[ trans male, he/him, elliot fletcher , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw GAVIN DONOVAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +PLACID and -GRIM that makes them feel AMBIVALENT about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of STAYING UP UNTIL 7AM READING UNSOLVED MYSTERIES, THE CRUNCH OF FALL LEAVES, AND CHAI LATTES. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ winter, he/him, 26, est ]

BASICS

full name / gavin noah donovan

nicknames / gav

age / 24

birthday / january 29th, 1996

gender / transmale

pronouns / he/him

birthplace / reed, va

occupation / paramedic

ethnicity / mixed european

nationality / american

face claim / elliot fletcher

RELATIONSHIPS

parents / laura donovan, mother && andrew donovan, father

siblings / ----- donovan, twin brother && ----- donovan, sister

children / none

pets / finnegan, chocolate lab

other family / none

sexual orientation / pansexual

romantic orientation / panromantic

relationship status / single

current partners / none

past partners / a plethora bad ideas

PERSONALITY

zodiac / aquarius

likes / emojis, stargazing, romcoms, cassette tapes, leather jackets, ripped denim, rainy days, pop punk music, the smell of lilacs, animals, sitting in the dark, the sound of the ocean, family holidays, night drives, bubble baths, hot tea, true crime, midday naps, urban exploring, and fall weather.

dislikes / know it alls, mustard, gossip, hospitals, math, summer weather, bees, the color brown, long and boring novels, criticism, the smell of bonfires, sports, reminiscing, buying groceries, dressing fancy, hateful people, limitations, broken promises, dull situations, and being lonely.

positive traits / balanced, responsive, upright, adaptable, curious, imaginative, driven, dynamic, charismatic, and interesting.

negative traits / moody, artificial, solemn, meddlesome, predictable, uncharitable, naive, skewed priorities, oblivious, and shortsighted.

HEADCANONS

gavin has a twin brother that he doesn’t quite see eye to eye with. the two have such varying personalities that neither of them can keep up with one another.

a reed native, through and through. though, he believes his heart belongs anywhere but there, he can’t bring himself to leave the place that he grew up in.

out of his family, he is an absolute wild child and did a total of zero things that his family had hopes for. fancy college? no thanks. seeing things through? out of the question. settling down with a nice person? no!

gavin is a terrible influence on his younger sister and would often drag her into his antics.

he once got pulled over for reckless driving and speeding—hitting nearly 100mph.

he may or may not have been arrested at least twice due to his explorations, both times for trespassing.

being nice? never met her!

he prefers to have a small circle of close friends, rather than many.

gav has probably never had a real, solid significant other that wasn’t just a one night stand or that he broke up with after a week or two. he just cannot commit to anything ever.

he spends a lot of his time now trying to perfect the most amazing hot tea, even though he only likes two flavors.

he won’t tell you but if you catch him staring at the sky, he’s a huge astrophile.

he’s a giant mama’s boy, through and through. he’s always bringing his mother snacks or gifts in appreciation for her or just because.

he learned to stand up for himself early on against anyone who tried to mock him or bring him down.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

roommates, coworkers, friends, family members, past flings, new flings, ride or dies, true crime enthusiasts, other urban explorers, enemies, fr anything!!

[artoflifehealingarts]

Long update Part two but it's just very deep and close to my heart. As I said I will owe all of that choice making and stepping into to Ariel. Being present with him for his end of days, passing on teachings, and because his was a terminal condition I feel that it really could have been better if IF we only had more information on the choices available.

There is so much to say about Death.

And as I have said, I did work hard to reach people on the balancing of the masculine / divine feminine

In the tantric and the ones that got it and understood it ..

Received it.

I have always had the same offering of expanding that moment for the Living and healthy. No difference there The moment Of the stillness. The stillness in even, the orgasm.

In positive sexuality it was about teaching a balance to achieve not just an orgasmic moment but a high vibration/living from the heart moment, but an orgasmic life.

It was very hard to bring people to the realization that this was self care many had done for centuries. These are practices and ways that help us achieve a higher deeper level within that gives life a different meaning because it is not seen and measured and valued based on ridiculous lenses.

We are losing a respect for life and we are simply allowing ourselves to be bagged up and thrown or drugged up and left to die.

We can expand what this is and go deeper into this.

I would say it wasn't necessary if the wealthy and successful would not come to me.

It is they who have helped me see that no matter how high in the success ladder or how low in addictions and glow .

This is about something far greater .. something that all paths spoke of and if we look at science we can see the language of energy and hear and understand the language of god. We will be ...

I have chosen to assist in end of life and with terminal illness because to give the gift of a deeper life and vibration at any age is worth it ..at any time and age in this here place.

to see the amazing gift that life truly is

We must end these practices of no respect for death.

Do any watch the show Vikings haha imagine we went from that..as a people honoring the dead to what happens today.

That is a diresprct to life

And the more that happens it adds to the vibration of hate, disrespect for life, anger, a not following the cosmic order way of things

We must bring back and bring on again the dignity in death.

There is a lot of terminal illness and chronic pain out there and people need to expand on those or in those moments when they feel good ..so in this way they can restore and live fuller lives even and especially at the end of life.

This care was present in the past as I have said even the Buddha had an attendant and in the book

"How a Buddhist monk prepares to die" he too explains the tradition of having a death bed attendant.

We put people in sterile places and make sure that they are not in physical pain but we do not care for the emotional pain, the mental body pain or the energetic body.

This is not good. There are many working to save our lands and many working to bring balance back because we are, without going into beliefs or religion, we are clearly out of balance.

Pause

Just in the separation is what some can perceive ..you can see people struggling or a death of humanity on every level.

Let me explain:

The end is near laugh, chuckle, eventually we will perish and that perhaps is fatalist but even if we transhuman it out we last longer I say Vibration high turn into light brings..

But we will not stay in this form for long. And that's ok.

However we need not race to this place or state in the ending of that which we are. No attachment for I can not wait to "light being" it out.

But there are things we can not deny were essential to our humanity.

We are far more than robots

Consumers or a class

Or just data

And meaningless

Another post

Just another like

Or emoji

A dying person needs to Live.

As much as a person who is not dated.

I feel even more give them a choice.

The choice is what I want our people, humanity to carry forward into our demise or whatever.

I say bring in the shamanic because it opens you up to the connection that is already there. .

With the Tantric it was necessary to transcend through the body. Through it. Accepting the shadow but in a more coragroud and solitary way though if coupled much more intense and fulfilling.

At end of life, with chronic illness, chronic pain, terminal illness, end of life we can raise awareness about all the possibilities for living a more fulfilling life.

The offerings I offer and the offerings and gifts left in Shamanic teachings is the same for all.

I am simply only going to work with some.

But all can benefit.

Our Retreat to Guatemala

To the Water park Resort with plenty of lush earth energy land with trips to the Chamanic village, Great lakes Atitlán or Tikal, Will

End of Life in the living

#Alchemistrises

Why wait till the last breath to see your life embracing you fully, as deeply as possible loving you unveiling your highest potential.

You are light and energy so doing the shamanic offerings clears, fine tunes, hones your skills, and brings you to a point of being the proper vessel for universal energy to flow.

The mixture of resort and water park and solitude is with intent. You see we are in a very western world and so in the middle of the chaos we can and must find the balance, neutrality and total enhanced human experience.

Much energy is waisted on distractions.

Once things are seen clearly there is no suffering not because you don't miss them or gave up but because the illusion is not better than the other ..next. .layer of all that you are.

Life can be sweeter

Can be kinder

Can be among compassionate loving people that are authentic and embrace knowledge not who is right and wrong but who can I learn from and not who can I teach bit who can I share with. Who can I pay today forward to?

It is no longer a choice even and so it is truly liberating on many levels.

Once the quality of Life depends on is valued by things not of the living but material and parasitic or lacking the respect for what we are then Death and how we treat death is also reflected.

We are treating Death with out compassion and not caring for each other on do many levels.

There are many ways to Die with dignity.

The Shamanic plus 3 offerings strictly for #Endoflife and #terminalillness will include Leaving a Legacy

Very excited about

Proving information and details about my exploration of #greenfunerals

#greendeath

Plus I will also offer the most traditional which

Bedside last days rituals.

Join me and receive information not on death but on Living

Long update Part two but it's just very deep and close to my heart. As I said I will owe all of that choice making and stepping into to Ariel. Being present with him for his end of days, passing on teachings, and because his was a terminal condition I feel that it really could have been better if IF we only had more information on the choices available.

There is so much to say about Death.

And as I have said, I did work hard to reach people on the balancing of the masculine / divine feminine

In the tantric and the ones that got it and understood it ..

Received it.

I have always had the same offering of expanding that moment for the Living and healthy. No difference there The moment Of the stillness. The stillness in even, the orgasm.

In positive sexuality it was about teaching a balance to achieve not just an orgasmic moment but a high vibration/living from the heart moment, but an orgasmic life.

It was very hard to bring people to the realization that this was self care many had done for centuries. These are practices and ways that help us achieve a higher deeper level within that gives life a different meaning because it is not seen and measured and valued based on ridiculous lenses.

We are losing a respect for life and we are simply allowing ourselves to be bagged up and thrown or drugged up and left to die.

We can expand what this is and go deeper into this.

I would say it wasn't necessary if the wealthy and successful would not come to me.

It is they who have helped me see that no matter how high in the success ladder or how low in addictions and glow .

This is about something far greater .. something that all paths spoke of and if we look at science we can see the language of energy and hear and understand the language of god. We will be ...

I have chosen to assist in end of life and with terminal illness because to give the gift of a deeper life and vibration at any age is worth it ..at any time and age in this here place.

to see the amazing gift that life truly is

We must end these practices of no respect for death.

Do any watch the show Vikings haha imagine we went from that..as a people honoring the dead to what happens today.

That is a diresprct to life

And the more that happens it adds to the vibration of hate, disrespect for life, anger, a not following the cosmic order way of things

We must bring back and bring on again the dignity in death.

There is a lot of terminal illness and chronic pain out there and people need to expand on those or in those moments when they feel good ..so in this way they can restore and live fuller lives even and especially at the end of life.

This care was present in the past as I have said even the Buddha had an attendant and in the book

"How a Buddhist monk prepares to die" he too explains the tradition of having a death bed attendant.

We put people in sterile places and make sure that they are not in physical pain but we do not care for the emotional pain, the mental body pain or the energetic body.

This is not good. There are many working to save our lands and many working to bring balance back because we are, without going into beliefs or religion, we are clearly out of balance.

Pause

Just in the separation is what some can perceive ..you can see people struggling or a death of humanity on every level.

Let me explain:

The end is near laugh, chuckle, eventually we will perish and that perhaps is fatalist but even if we transhuman it out we last longer I say Vibration high turn into light brings..

But we will not stay in this form for long. And that's ok.

However we need not race to this place or state in the ending of that which we are. No attachment for I can not wait to "light being" it out.

But there are things we can not deny were essential to our humanity.

We are far more than robots

Consumers or a class

Or just data

And meaningless

Another post

Just another like

Or emoji

A dying person needs to Live.

As much as a person who is not dated.

I feel even more give them a choice.

The choice is what I want our people, humanity to carry forward into our demise or whatever.

I say bring in the shamanic because it opens you up to the connection that is already there. .

With the Tantric it was necessary to transcend through the body. Through it. Accepting the shadow but in a more coragroud and solitary way though if coupled much more intense and fulfilling.

At end of life, with chronic illness, chronic pain, terminal illness, end of life we can raise awareness about all the possibilities for living a more fulfilling life.

The offerings I offer and the offerings and gifts left in Shamanic teachings is the same for all.

I am simply only going to work with some.

But all can benefit.

Our Retreat to Guatemala

To the Water park Resort with plenty of lush earth energy land with trips to the Chamanic village, Great lakes Atitlán or Tikal, Will

End of Life in the living

#Alchemistrises

Why wait till the last breath to see your life embracing you fully, as deeply as possible loving you unveiling your highest potential.

You are light and energy so doing the shamanic offerings clears, fine tunes, hones your skills, and brings you to a point of being the proper vessel for universal energy to flow.

The mixture of resort and water park and solitude is with intent. You see we are in a very western world and so in the middle of the chaos we can and must find the balance, neutrality and total enhanced human experience.

Much energy is waisted on distractions.

Once things are seen clearly there is no suffering not because you don't miss them or gave up but because the illusion is not better than the other ..next. .layer of all that you are.

Life can be sweeter

Can be kinder

Can be among compassionate loving people that are authentic and embrace knowledge not who is right and wrong but who can I learn from and not who can I teach bit who can I share with. Who can I pay today forward to?

It is no longer a choice even and so it is truly liberating on many levels.

Once the quality of Life depends on is valued by things not of the living but material and parasitic or lacking the respect for what we are then Death and how we treat death is also reflected.

We are treating Death with out compassion and not caring for each other on do many levels.

There are many ways to Die with dignity.

The Shamanic plus 3 offerings strictly for #Endoflife and #terminalillness will include Leaving a Legacy

Very excited about

Proving information and details about my exploration of #greenfunerals

#greendeath

Plus I will also offer the most traditional which also may include

Bedside last days rituals based on the person's beliefs and/or ancestral cultural traditions.

Join me and receive information not on death but on Living

#life #deathdoula #medicinewoman

#healer #zen #curandera #Florida #costarica #guatemala #colorado #oregon #lastdays #nonjudgement #neutrality

#shamanichealing Patreon

#moments

Shamanic Moment in the Mundane

https://www.patreon.com/posts/shamanic-moment-47509564?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=postshare

[smallblueandloud]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

[ne-fe-li-bata]

Aye yo CORPSE!  ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ; 

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental  (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

•  Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

      Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

•  Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

•  Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

      I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T  to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

•  With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

              < mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

             “ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with) 

         <prob even talked to them in MSN or private chat>

•  Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

         (could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

•  Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

•  Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance 

•  Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

•  His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

  Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down> 

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros, 

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with 

•  Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir  kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub. 

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E 

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints 

toys

     •RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on. 

over stim 

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’ 

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look 

primal play  “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you” 

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact 

     • his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out 

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing 

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af 

impact play 

24/7

edging 

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage 

begging 

worships 

•  But also soft kinks; 

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair 

matching outfits

voice messages 

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition 

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him 

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’) 

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence 

* emojis*- just some sort of communication 

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games 

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights 

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

•  Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

•  Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride) 

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

•  No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

•  He's both book & street smart

           Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online 

•  Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

•  Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a  quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h) 

•  Hates silence 

         ( constantly needs background noise)  <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

•  People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia 

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

•  Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

        (most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

•  Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

    Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of  ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

•  Also is/was a major tumblr boy

•  Would be a phenomenal father

•   His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation 

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

•  Still caught up in daydreams

•  A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted  

•  Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

•  Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really  fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

•  Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone" 

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

•  Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

•  His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

•  Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

•  Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

          but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

•  Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

•  Dinosaur obsessed 

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

•  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

              fav ranger- green 

•  Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

•  Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

•  This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

•  Rose is his fav flower  🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞.  Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

•  Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

        <still believes- deep down in happy ever after ... but thorough an twisted yet not so twisted- simple(??), dedicated process(?)>

•  Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story 

    •  Pixar > Disney

         •  But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

•  Fall is his fav season (?)

•  Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

•   Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about. 

•  Was really into graffiti/ street art 

•  Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

•  also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

•  On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

•  Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another. 

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin” 

         *grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest* 

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

      Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

     When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

<more to be added>

I love you... genuinely . turly.  madly. deeply.